I’ve been on the roof until now.
‘Monsieur Dunning est monte sur let toit est il refuse categoriquement de descendre!’
This from my favourite short story in Hemingway’s ‘A Moveable feast’.
It’s about a jar of opium and the poet Monsieur Dunning. Hemingway is told to deliver the opium only in the case of any true emergency. And the day comes when Monsieur Dunning’s concierge arrives beneath Hem’s window:
‘Mister Dunning is on the roof and categorically refuses to come down’
I love this phrase. I don’t know why it gives me so much delight.
So I’ve been on the roof and I’m ready to come down. And I’ve not been lured by the opium as much as Shamim’s missive:
‘you can also see from the ground. Don’t be afraid to come down for a bit’
I have spent my time on the roof watching. Inviting my neurotic mind to dance the Tarantella.
Any sort of extraction, I expect, is not without shock. You mine into a mountainside, or the marrow, and you bring material from somewhere deep into consciousness. One of the unexpected side effects of Cancer for me, is the release of some toxic thoughts. I call it flapping out the fears. Hang them up on poles and watch them flap. Violently. Like flags in a windstorm.
Snap, snap, snap.
So what’s flapping?
Is it the material of fear or the wind?
No.
It’s my mind.
Flappy.
So with mind flapping, in this last cycle of treatment for MM, I’m without strategy.
Except I have a reverance for what came before. And for what will come.
Cause just now, I don’t have enough energy for the present. Except to do what’s essential. Like, tell them you love them. Burn off excess interactions. Eat what you want, when you want. Use your best conditioner.
Book that trip to Argentina.
No more deferrals.
Like Gilda Radner said:
‘If it wasn’t for the downside, having cancer would be the best thing and everyone would want it.
If it weren’t for the downside.
Chemo is cumulative. It has a pleasing sound to it. Like, ‘suicide is painless’
I joke of course.
So the toxicity accumulates in your system. I’m limp all the time, like a heavy camel coat in the summer. Being a covert type A I don’t think I have ever spent longer than three days in bed before this. Not that I haven’t been ill with fevers and flus. Most often I had a ritual of getting sick near the end of a heavy filming schedule. Dr Coetzee in Capetown, or Dr. Sharma in Delhi or Dr. Verboeten in Rotterdam would show up on set, I’d get a shot, or some pills and doze between takes. Health never stopped me from working.
Before.
So my strength is going but the side effects of my beloved, my obsession, the steroid otherwise known as Dex, have increased. For instance, a marked decline in concentration.
Which has never been robust anyhow. Self admittedly a bit breezy before, now you can both distract and occupy me with a shiny bit of foil.
For hours.
Which is why there has been no blog. I can’t seem to participate in my life just now. And my complaints are corroding my only child’s sense of propriety. That’s the part that makes me wince. At myself.
Wait, here, sit down, you’re not deaf are you? Have some kielbasa and cabbage rolls and hear my litany:
My eye infection is back. My immunity is low.
My belly is huge. Night sweats.
Yadda yadda yadda
And I want to BITE everyone.
Like that kid in the wolf suit from ‘Where the Wild things are’
I’m, like, six again.
And I miss my mom.
The past is a tabula rasa, said Henri Cartier Bresson, but it usually comes back, like a burp.
He would know.
More battered than Reliable Halibut and chips, I have just enough zeal to butter my morning toast. I whimper a lot to test my father’s innate principle of ultimate protection. He never wavers. But I’m worrying him, my ranting and carrying on. In a coronation worthy fit of petulance I announced I was not going to go through with the stem cell transplant.
Or at least defer it.
Until after my trip to Argentina.
I’m feeling more conflicted than an ovulating stripper.
Tumblestack.
On a downspout.
Cancer this week, has me bleeding yellow. What I can do now is be still. And watch. And in the past week, out of the back pocket of my mind, all my phantom fears are making an appearance.
My friend Vishal left a message when I returned from Vermont.
‘Lots of clear thinking in this period cause everything is amplified. Navratri is still on. Om shanty om.’
Damn Vishal. Its irritating to have an enlightened person call when you’re trying to feel sorry for yourself. Besides, I’m all sediment.
Or maybe it’s the Dex. Just after I’ve surrendered to the wetsuit and moonface, I find out it makes you crazy.
Ok- its mood-altering. Which doesn’t sound menacing unless you’re Bobcat on a trip to the west coast about to return to Toronto on the redeye.
“I can’t take it anymore Bobcat. I love you but I’m heartbroken’
‘What happened? What did I do?’
‘Never mind. You’ll never know. Just know I loved you and you ripped open my chest like a pair of overactive Russian greyhounds. I’m raw and hurt and broken. Ciao my love. In the next life.’
‘Wha…snow leopard?!!’
Click.
Bobcat calls me snow leopard. And not after the mac operating system.
We are a cat clan of two and I hope he will forbear.
Wars are created when both sides believe their stories. The healing process begins when both sides see that the other side believes their own stories. In this ongoing struggle with the Cancer, I can’t fathom the motive. I’m mustering all my yellow but I do not know why. What have I done to provoke the confrontation in my marrow, what’s the grievance?
We’re committed to the yellow dance, the MM and me.
The Tarantella.
Thanks to the Cancer I have an entire tea party of neuroses. We sat around drinking Mariage freres and playing with pipe cleaners all last week.
‘You’re gonna lose your hair during the stem cell transplant then, huh? Good thing you don’t have a face expressing the syndrome resembling hyperactive adrenal cortex with increase in adiposity otherwise known as moonface…’
‘You’re not gonna get work again as an actress. Good thing you’ve got a back up plan…check?!’
‘Stem cell will eat up another six months of your life? Now that you’ve got your porta-cath, you’re mainlined for the lifestyle. You may as well get used to being a patient. It’s the steadiest job you’ve ever had.’
‘Good thing you never wanted kids before cause you’re gonna be infertile’
Damn this little thinking party of one. I finally figured out what they find funny is calculated to wound
Since my diagnosis I’ve been in the yellow construction business. As soon as I got diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma I got busy. Gradually I’ve had to drop my preoccupations one by one. No yoga classes. No meetings, auditions, classes or huddling with Jerry over renovations at the Hiawatha house. Dad and Jerry are holding down the fort. In short, I have nothing to distract me. From myself.
So this last month of treatment I’m stripped. Down to being with myself.
I can seize this opportunity to learn to make breaded food. Or to spell backwards. Alas, I have no energy.
I have to bring down the shutters on Lisa Corp for a while. For instance, I am aggrieved to cancel my TEDX talk. I can’t at this moment get through an 18 minute talk. I hope Raji will forbear and give me another shot next year. And when I did an introduction for Bollywood/Hollywood at the Jackman theatre on Saturday night, I deferred even a fruit juice with Steve Gravestock to return home to bed. So sleeping has overtaken eating as my sport of choice. I wonder how others live through this time. Time is a valuable commodity. Free time even more so. I’ve got loads now.
So people keep reminding me, they also want more siesta and play time- just like me.
‘if I had that time, I’d catch up on my sleep and watch Che Guevara- parts one and two’
Are you fantasizing about a Cancer Vacation?
Cause if I didn’t feel so completely depleted, I’d be having the time of my life.
Buh
Cancer club med? Cancer time shares?
I’m in the mood to knock back my roids with some wine. Red and white blood counts remind me of full bodied merlots and gerwurtztremeinners.
Salut.
Or I can surrender and peel open my bone.
And I miss my mother.
She is the mystic in my marrow. She always understood more than my self-reverant mind would allow. She gave unconditionally. She transcended barriers of bone and flesh I won’t understand in this life. She was too powerful to capture in a picture. She was completely irreverent and she would change the barometer in a room just being there.
A lioness.
She left her body almost one year ago.
It’s a bandaged story I haven’t yet touched.
Secrets melt from my marrow. If I catch their stir, I will extract them from my body. Clean shift. It’s alchemy. Cancer is alchemy. In our body is hidden a metaphysical substance which is the incorruptible medicine. Release it and you heal.
Not without burns.
Barn Burn Down
Now I see the Moon
Our allegiance is to making sense of stuff. We have immense preoccupation with figuring things out.
But you’ll hurt yourself more with a helmet.
That’s why I went to Vermont.
At Karme Choling, I began to drop all my preoccupations. Laura somehow managed to crack me open and air me out, as well as safe guard me from the fiesta of my own mind. We missed several exits on the way to buying snow leopard printed socks from Sunshine and another day chose amulets and necklaces from Eva Wong. Turquoise for rejuvenation.
Laura reminded me how stories colour and run our lives. Some are right in front and some beneath the surface.
And on the last night, a banquet in the main shrine room. Laura now in the role of the alchemist, put on the traditional Italian melody which inspires convulsions
‘If you are bitten, you must give into the frenzy, and then return to the table’
And we all did. We danced to the Tarantella, the dance inspired by a spider bite.
Poison transformed through dance. Perhaps its a time to sweat and convulse before healing.
The curative dance.
Remission. Transformation.
My last chemo is on the 16th of October.
Maybe Shane and I can bust out the Tarantella on the day of the MM walk for the cure.
One more week until the walk: http://pmhf3.akaraisin.com/Pledge/Participant/Home.aspx?seid=2489&pid=172578&mid=9
The generosity you have shown for the walk boosts my spirit. Thank you again. It’s thanksgiving here in Canada. Gratitude move my pulse.
Thanks for the turkey and scrabble, Super-Noni!
Thank you Sheetal Sheth my beautiful and compassionate co-star for helping to promote the Walk on her website.
Nairong for the aloe vera and other spells
To Sindi Hawkins, Doc Raina, Dr Galal and my Dad for keeping me going. For transfusing me with their yellow if that’s what it takes. Thank you Sindi for sharing Michelle’s mom’s haiku.
Hanan and Shamim. My heart’s family. And for carrying Tord Boontje chandeliers across the ocean. And for carrying me.
Lovely Bernadette Jones for spreading the word on the walk. For all the celebration and bean salad she and Alan bring to my life.
Andi Sandowski for dedicating two karma yoga classes to the cause.
David and Molly Bloom
My Mom for remaining. And for refusing to remove the difficulty of facing all that am seeing.
Thank you all for continuing to relate to the Yellow. Your attention and tender bring alchemy into my present.
It’s the JOLT of living.
Next up Harvest Season: Stem Cell Collections
I’ll post again soon very soon this time.
Miss you and your blog… You know you will walk this year and run for next year…:) haven’t read it but want to make sure be the first commenting it… 🙂 Thank for sharing. Have to run, will comment more later
love
There is no known thing in life like a MOM! And no love in our lives equate to hers. I lost mine nearly a year ago. However she lives in me as long as I will.
Habibti, you are an awesome person. You will get better soon.
We love you!
Ahhh.. Lisa Ray, I just noticed you have put a new blog and although I haven’t had a chance to read through it yet, I did notice the words “I miss my mom”.. I don’t know what to say, but my eyes are filled with tears.. I know you do, and it must be extremely difficult. No one will ever be able to replace her, and she must have been a super good human being simply b/c god gave her such a wonderful and strong daughter.. May god bless her soul, may god bless you, and may your heart never feel lonely.. I will send you another note once I read the entire blog, but in the meantime, I give you all my heart and hope for a short while, it will console you in knowing that you are never alone.. Know this, your mother is by your SIDE.
With love.
Lisa. Thanks for “blogging” tonight. Sharing your ups and downs with us. Be strong. You are strong. Your goal is full remission, and you’ll succeed. As you say, Never Stop Fighting! Sylvie (from France).
I sure missed your blog, and was worried about you. Nice to see you here tonight.
Our Life is but brief blimp in the history of the world, enjoy every moment, and remember you don’t always have to be brave.
Hug!
Lisa I feel now as if I know you I understand ypur feelings about your Mom since Im also super close to mine. I feel your pain in every way. Look at the bright side you have thousands of people that care about you and wish u the very best. I was glad to hear Shetal is in touch with you we all are. Continue writing and staying in touch with your friends around the world. When you have a chance walk into a church and pray you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Take care I live in Miami hey close to your beloved Key West.
lisa happy thanksgiven !! we miss you blog.is nice hear from you!!.
keeping smile brave woman!!.
love you
Hola valiente Lisa Ray, a veces en la vida tenemos pruebas difíciles…nunca olvides que eres una guerrera porque si no fuera así, no estarías luchando con esa fuerza que se lee en las líneas de tu blog…Jamás te des por vencida, si tu cuerpo se siente cansado no dejes que tu mente se sienta así pues esta será el motor de fuerza para levantarte y seguir y seguir cuantas veces sea necesario.
Estoy segura que mucha gente te quiere sin conocerte personalmente y estoy más segura que las personas que te conocen te quieren mucho más, porque usted es luz y fuerza Lisa Ray.
Millones de bendiciones para ti y Ánimo :), disculpe no escribirle en ingles.
Desde Yucatán, México
hi .so good to hear from you again 🙂
it’s ok liiiiis … i think time is the best healer …(i was diagnosed with something 2 years ago ..it’s not cancer but i cried a lot..it’s ok)
you will get better ..i’m sure .. hang on there ok:) we will get through tough times ..i’m sure
Someday, your energy and focus will return. The SCT will reveal a beauty previously unseen. The process is arduous but tolerable and you are brave. How else could you write with such passion?
John
http://goodbloodbadblood.wordpress.com/
you are such an amazing writer even though i don’t understand some of it lollll. You will get through this we are all praying for you. take care and godspeed to you.
Ok, so here I am again.. A few notes, you need to focus on your health, don’t think about the negatives.. Regarding doing the stem cell transplant, and issues such as gaining weight and/or losing hair, those are all very short phases which in the grand scheme of your life will seem like a small blimp. About fertility, you will bless a child if you do ever decide to become a parent and mom, and remember, that child does not need to be yours biologically for you to love him/her, should you choose to undertake parenthood. Regarding losing focus, again, this is okay too.. We’ve all had periods in our lives where things haven’t been 100%, heck, not even 50%… So IT’S OKAY to not be ALL for a while, you are only human, give yourself a break, love your body for fighting as hard as it is… Be proud b/c you have inspired so many by writing.. You have opened up our eyes and I know I’m thankful. Sometimes, the yellow does fall to very low levels and this is okay too.. Can you tell I’m giving you as much yellow as I can through my words? Hope you are absorbing it. See what you have done to me, now I am talking in your lingo.. Yes, I’ll do what it takes to get the message across to you. And last but not least, don’t lose faith and never be afraid.. You heard about the British boyzone member who passed this past weekend.. See he was only 33, and probably as healthy as can be.. What I’m trying to say is none of us know when is our time, and there is absolutely no sense in worrying.. Live life with your heart, love love love, and remember that when you live in the present, neither the past or future matter. Let me know if you need anything, you know that offer came from the heart and am good for it. With lots of love and happy thanksgiving to you..
Lisa “Queen” Ray,
You are going to kick cancer’s a$$! If you never work as an actor again, whether by choice or by circumstance, you can certainly make a living with your writing! (I truly hope to see you on screen again in the future, though.)
One may go a long way after one is tired. ~French Proverb
L. Ray
Your open spirit touches my heart … I hope you will find check out the following link and play: http://bit.ly/ky5C1
Sending you strength
in endless amounts
In thoughts and prayers
yellow abounds
Sending it to you
to pick you up
Sending some more
‘til it fills your cup
A yellow safety net
covers the ground
beneath the roof
So you can come down
Rejuvenate
soak it in
for in the end
yellow will win.
Without bad days, we would never recognize or appreciate the great ones.
Thanks for sharing. your writing is truly inspirational.
-Michelle
Im glad u write,but i felt emotional while reading ur blog this time, I feel for you and I cannot say I know what ur going thru. only u know it..but I jus wanna say hang in there and be STRONG and never stop smiling and laughing, DONT Stop.
And wat was the Bobcat part about…?
What are you trying to say?
And I hope all goes well in the stem cell trans.
And your mom is always with you, shes watching over you rite now always.Im sure of this..*hugs* atleast u have ur dad with u,and Im sure hes doing a great job. Taking care of u and alll ur friends,my God they alll r loving people. so U r lucky in ur own way. so be strong.
And looking fwd to ur ”very soon” blog thats coming …”sooon”’ wen u write ‘soon” there I flash back at ICTS scene at the ending wen u told sheetal[leyla] soon…”sooon” I luv the way u said it ”soon” *raises eyebrow* ‘soon” …man ,you got some expressions out of this world,trust me,I notice everything.
Ok,Lisa sleep well tonite ,and take care ,okay..always be strong..smile always…laugh alot…and eat healthy..and take med. on time..LOTS OF LUV-
ps:u wont believe this,but ur the first thing tht comes to mind wen I get online,I run here first-twitter-fb-here..Ive never done this kinda thing b4. 🙂
ok tc..luv always….
If you miss her, just breathe her… I miss her too you are not alone. I love you Lisa thanks to you and your amazing being I decided to become a donor you inspired me and I am now part of the list I hope I am a match to someone YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE! had I not felt inspired by you perhaps I would have never joined… I need your sunshine so please keep on smiling… the yellow will shine and the blue will fade, I know… you may believe me.
And about stem cell trans,if alll of those things do happen then it dont matter ,as long as you are fine and you recover thats what is important. so keep telling urself that.
Hi Lisa, Great to see you back again. Although, you are experiencing a downer at this time know that it is only short lived. My dad was such a warrior and he was the one carrying the burden for all of us during his illness so that we wouldn’t be sad.He never once wanted us to feel sorry for him or suffer in anyway. But, he too had days were he was to weak and needed the permission to be afraid. Lisa, allow your body, spirit and mind this time to come face to face with what you are feeling at this very moment .This is not a walk in the park and it is great that you make light of the situation.But don’t deny yourself the time to feel the loneliness and fear. I equate this to losing my father. This is the first thanksgiving without him and I miss him so much. Yet, I know that he is still with me, just in a different way. My relationship with him now is like that of the sun and moon. I see it’s immensity and power and how greatful I am for the presence in my life. Your mother will guide you and hold your hand…….you are right though she will not be able to remove this cup from you but she will be there to give you the strength you need. I will be doing the 5k walk and returning back to PMH after my dad passed away, March 16th…….this too will be difficult for me, seeing the doctors and the all too familiar streets and buildings. But , it is what I must do to honor him and help others like yourself. Listening to you, you remind me so much of my father and what he was enduring and feeling. He kept it all in. I am glad you are expressing yourself so honestly and humbly. Blessings to you and may you continue to draw strength from all the sources that heal you. But, remember you are a human being and not divine ……….you are not to save the world, but save yourself !
Habititi Lisa
I twit u to let you know I read ur blog in snaps on my little nokie E71 – hard to read very small screen but just tat I know, petal, I know – you missed your Mum and I also know this, your Mum is watching over you and she is sending angels to protect you.
I have not read your blog except your words”I miss my Mum” and it brought tears to my eyes because this is the most heartwarming four words anyone could say when one’s mum is not around.
I will stop here and come back later after reading your blog in full…
just this, that although I may not be physically be there with you to give you hugs but I am here with you in spirit and giving you daily virtual hugs & keep you in my daily prayers and thoughts.
BB, BG, BSmiling & a new one for you, BStrong Always
MF
ps: lol- when u mentioned that giving ‘birth to new blog is a tough one – imagine us, your fans…waiting was also a tough one…
Later
Hello Lisa,
I’m glad to hear you are back and writing on the blog. Please take care of yourself and we will understand if you don’t write as frequently as before. Your health is the most important thing, and I know you want to keep us posted of your progress. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, as we have another month before we can celebrate in the states. As always you are in my thoughts.
God Bless and Keep Fighting
YOGA
Best solution for you
Yes
YOGA
Sorry,
I’ve to repeat to make sure it gets to you …
YOGA
Best solution for you
Yes
YOGA
Sooner You start is the Best
Hi Lisa, I was diagnosed with MM at age 43. After 4.5 years I am now in complete remission. I went through VAD, Dex, Stem cell transplant, Velcade and a bone marrow transplant with my brother and I finally conquered the disease. I can fully relate to your story. My hair fell out 3 times, the battle was tough, but I made it .. it is possible. I educated myself as much as possible about my disease .. I have a book coming out shortly about my struggle and cancer prevention. You can check my website out youcare.ca .. I am living proof you can beat MM.. I will be thinking of you as you fight this battle. Stephanie
Hey Lisa,
Really nice 2 read ur post and believe me if ur down right now the up can’t be very far away.
Coz life is like mountain and valley n if u r coming down ur bound 2 go up n that will happen soon enough.
With all my best wishes 4 u 2 recover soon and jouney through this beautiful life.
Ur dad seems 2 be an amazing person who stands by ur like the Roman Pillars.
Wishing u well Lisa
Luv
Sameeksha
Yg
Dear Lisa:
All my prayers, my thoughts, and all my positive energy I send to you. You WILL conquer! Full remission is near. Please continue to vent your thoughts and concerns through your blog so that they don’t tire your body and your mind. Continue to focus on your greater goal, rest and pamper yourself as much as you can. We (the whole world) are all with you at heart. Even though we only know you through your characters and interveiws, there’s a certain magic that you inspire…a confidence that everything will be OK. Many blessings.
AV
Dearest Lisa,
thank you for sharing.
Sending you big hugs and lots of love!!!
Within the confined fortress I keep it, energies we share, all that makes us this, please taste it… savor it, become it and enjoy every minute of the after taste… I hope you know how amazingly rare and delightful your energy is. You are welcome to come within my fortress and browse, the selection is large and so much variety, for you are my guest of honor… it is only a pleasure to be able to share some of the amazing you have given me. Inspiration is magical and the moments held by it are even more unexplainable… it’s so secret, it so mine… but please feel free to come in.
… because it has NEVER occurred to me that you wont get better ❤
“I’m limp all the time, like a winter coat in the summer.”
Lisa,
When bouts like these hit me- I just close my eyes hard and tell myself- ‘this too shall pass’. it always does, isn’t it?
By the way- you are blossoming into a fine writer you know! 🙂
Keep blogging. Who knows by the time I finally take that trip to Afganistan- you would write me a book.
🙂
take care.
hello
i was pleasantly surprised that you had a new entry on your blog…
i do admire your strength but especially your sense of humour. i believe a sense of humour is the saviour of our soul and our sanity in difficult times as well as good.
I especially enjoyed: “I’m feeling more conflicted than an ovulating stripper”
i don’t believe that i would have the strength to share how i feel with a whole bunch of strangers across the globe.
but i guess that is when we no longer remain strangers and even though in logical terms we are mere acquaintances , that just maybe this is a way for people to become more than that while living in parallel worlds.
I believe in friendship and love and that it has no limits but as we get older we tend to forget so I thank YOU for reminding me of that through my discovery of you, your work, your 360 degrees of true beauty and your “sharing”
See now you’ve got me “sharing” with a whole bunch of strangers all over the globe : )
I know you are tired …but don’t give up on the stem cell option…please.. and I am being completely selfish here … for you have just come into my life….
From South Africa with love
PS. on the 16th.…….. Close your eyes and think of a sunset African sky in Cape Town .……..
HEY LISA, BOMBON !!
I know you by your work but I adore you for your smile, which provokes with just looking at you.
Remember when the body does not have the strength, the mind is the boss … do not stop believing and inventing forces, because it can be princess! sory my bad English, I promise next time to study and write something better!
from Argentina, someone who wants to see really good…
welcome back liza,well for the first time sinse i start read ur daiary u made me cry,yes u did,iam so sorry that u miss ur mother ,i wish really if i can do anything to let u see her again ,u know iam living away from my country soo iam away from my whole family even my friends,and when i have the chance to see them it be just for few dayes
so it doesnt matter if ur family r alive or dead because u allwayes away right?
i just wanna tell u that all of humans have many tragedy stories but we just see ours? yes belaive me we r,as for me i had manyyyyyyyyyyyy of that tipe of stories if i have the time to say it i will need not less than one milloions of papers haha yes i will wast all these papers.but i have to live and play my role what i was born to do,every one have a role in the life liza yes its true we faced many bad and crule sitiuations and we cant do anything to avoid it but some time i think about that so i find out that god made this to us to lead us to our role in life so if u wanna know why god did that to u or me or anyone just think about ur conidition and whats the idea of all that to happened ,if u did u will figure out whats ur role,well plz dont say that u became weak and dont have sreagnth u r great and u well allwayes be dont do that for ur friends who loves u really in aworld forgot about love,to be beloved this is a greet gift from god to let unknown pepole crying praying for u ,its a miracle right?and after allll that u r sad?u r greedy hahahaa i have 2 kids 4 and 6 years they send u a big hug and a big kiss they saw ur pic and they said she is so sweet,i told them r u kidding she is awesome hahahaa,so plz cheer up dont be sad u will be fine i know that,ok
love u so much
Lisa, I know you believe in the power of the mind.
Everything will be fine, babe.
Lisa, I love you
from Lima-Perú
MARDAM
The Tarantella….choose the challenge of dancing with others …. Rather than doing it solo….The dance of MM…Frenzied, frightening, forgiving, freeing
You have many dancing with you in person and in spirit….
Being Still is listening beyond the reaches of the mind….seeing things in full vivid Kodak color…tasting of exquisite unimaginable succor… Being Still…. Tranquil Mortal…knowing without awareness of knowing ….blocks of light…. prisms illuminating brilliance of color….all healing energies of heart, mind and soul…
Peace unto your soul; your adversity and your afflictions shall be but a small moment….Thy friends do stand by you, and they shall hail you again with warm hearts and friendly hands.
Cauterize the leakage of Yellow….Reservoirs of Yellow wait to replenish and rejuvenate where once the flow was strong….draw on those sustaining and brimming fountains which crest over the top….pure undefiled Yellow. Gather…for the Refiner’s fire burns bright with Yellow….searing out blemish, exposing raw common sustenance… waiting to purify to fulfill its higher inexplicable state….
Be Still….
Live Life, Love Much, Laugh Often
Ginger
I have to say it again – This young Chinese doctor cures the cancer. Another friend of mine went to this doctor after chemo had him all burnt and destroyed.
Believe me and give yourself a try, you have nothing to lose.
K
Good evening:
You sound weary, war has that effect. God created something just for weariness….MOVIES!
Breakfast at Tiffany’s: One of the all time great images: Audrey giving life to an empty New York street as her beautiful reflection like us, stares back at her in awe.
Days of Wine and Roses: The closing image of Lee Remick walking down that lonely road of booze and the blinking bar neon. Still, there is hope.
Lonesome Dove: Proof that television can be cinema. Ranks with the all time great westerns. The friendship, honor, decency and courage of Gus and Call still gets me dewy.
Session 9: Before the Machinist Brad Anderson made this creepy little gem. Actually filmed in Danvers State Mental Hospital.
Mrs. Soffel: Proof that Mel was more than Mad Max. True story of prison warden’s wife who falls for Mel then breaks he and his brother out. Beautiful closing scene, great Mark Isham score.
The Cooler: Great Isham score, beautiful opening credit sequence. Bill Macy, Maria Bello and Alex Baldwin’s finest moment since Glengarry, Glennross.
Rest and be well,
Ray
Although this blog may have been difficult to birth, it was also very difficult to read. The truth impacts us all, teaching us to be more compassionate in dealing with others.
“Secrets melt from the marrow”? If only some of us were able. What are we so afraid of in this society?
This one had more impact than you could imagine.
Hey Lisa,
Here is your passage for the day
“Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;
But we will remember the name of the LORD our God.”
Psalm 20 : 7 (New King James Version)
“All to Jesus, I surrender; All to Him I freely give; I will ever love and trust Him, In His presence daily live”… I’m sure this a favourite hymn to many…
We read in today’s verse that some put their trust in chariots and some in horses , but we will remember the name of the Lord. Now here is a question … When do we remember the name of the Lord ?
When trouble arises and we have tried everything else and now we decide to remember Him ? When there is an issue at work do we first get so worked up/upset and wish we could yell at everyone and then after all that do we remember the name of the Lord ? Even if we don’t actually yell out our thoughts it still falls into the Master’s ear ! He knows it all ! When promotions don’t come do we get so stressed out regarding it and then a week later remember the Lord ?
I love the line in the hymn which says “In His presence daily live”…. Picture this… There is a jug full of water and into the water I drop an egg . Now the egg is totally immersed into the water. It is surrounded by the water completely. Its just totally 100% submersed in the water. That’s the way we ought to be. Just so totally submersed in His presence. Totally 100% in Him.
This is funny… I just called up my mom to make sure my illustration was right – that an egg does go down when placed in water and not float. And this is what my mom said “If the egg is a bad egg then it will float in water and if its good then it gets immersed in the water. That’s how you check if an egg is good or bad”. Praise the Lord ! The Lord leads us to perfect illustrations. Are we fully immersed in Him or are we floating ?
Do we remember the Lord in the green pastures, besides the still waters , in the valley of shadow of death , in the presence of our enemies… do we remember the Lord 24*7 ? Is our trust in Him 100%. ?
“Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God.”
God Bless
Dear Lisa,
You are a strong, beautiful and compassionate person!! I was moved too tears after reading your blog and reading your comments about your mom. I too have a close relationship with my mom and I understand your sorrow, but know that she is watching, guiding and loving you always!! You will get through this!! You have family and friends who love and adore you and you have fans all over the world who wish you strength and remission!! God bless you and your family!! My prayers and wishes are with you always!!
Barbara
Detroit, MI
Lisa, I love to read your blog, I find it comforting. My mom who was diagnosed with MM in May has been going through the exact round of treaments as you (velcade and dex) she is just about a month ahead of you. She had her stem cell tranplant 18 days ago. I’m not going to lie, it was hard on her, and my dad and my sister and I. I felt really helpless and wished I could share in her discomfort, but it is over now, she has made it through and things are looking up, and that’s how it will be for you. And things that seemed really terrible (hair loss) turned out to be not as bad as she thought and she has become more beautiful to everyone throughout this whole thing.
Anyways I will be praying for you…thanks again for the awareness you are bringing to this cancer, the cure is near!!!!
Sometimes, breathing is all you can do… it’s all you should do. Just breathe, Lisa.
I will tell you that I’ve been going 12 rounds for 26 years. And, there have been and still are days when I don’t know if the greater of the two miracles is remaining or going “home.”
But, at the end of the day, if I still have a pulse, I breathe, and I smile in gratitude, as I realize it is not up to me. And, somehow I am renewed. If I am to be here, then I am going to be all that I can be, at every given moment.
And, this is my standard: moment by moment I will be all that I can. I may not be what I was or participating in Plan A, but I am all that I can be in Plan B, which, in all truthfulness, always is better than Plan A.
I honestly and humbly believe that I am more than I would have been, before the “friendly interlopers” entered my “home.” I say this because I am more aware of all that it is I am; and, I do all that I know or discover to do to be more. I take nothing for granted.
There is a prayer, “The Lord’s Prayer or the Our Father” that is just loaded with petitions. One line in particular has set me free from so much. It is “give us/me this day our/my daily bread.”
I don’t think about what it is that I need so much as I simply and ardently believe that I will be given that. I just believe it. I believed when nobody else believed.
I have been given what I need, daily for the whole of my life. But, when I feel like my life is no longer mine, and I have had my fair share of days when I felt that, I recaputre the essence of it, because I breathe and believe I will be given what I need.
Lisa, everything is temporary, but what is essential – – your essence. And, it is your essence, the real you that will forward you through your journey. It is a wonderful journey. I dare say that it is one that you will forevermore travel with perspective and gratitude and belief that you will, indeed, be given your “daily bread.”
No worries about tomorrow. No thoughts about yesterday. Please, if I might boldly suggest, there seems no great good in trying to reconcile your past and future with today. It will always be what you make of it.
And, based on the glimpse of you that I have, that you have shared with all of us here, you WILL make the best of it. It is what you do, because it is who you are.
Lisa, there isn’t a soul on this planet who will experience your journey as you are, no matter how much we believe we can relate. This is your journey.
But, if might empathetically speak from my experience/journey, I do believe Sir Walter Scott was spot-on when he said, “The rose is fairest when’t is budding new, and Hope is brightest when it dawns from fears.”
And, as Henry David Thoreau said, “What people say you cannot do, you try and find that you can.”
Be prepared to amaze yourself, Lisa Rani Ray. : )
Dear Lisa,
You are awesome! what a post.
Your writing talent conveys so much and reaches into the heart.
Sending you warmth and love. Thank you for your honesty and what you mean to so many.
naomi
Ugh *blush* I never share my music when it’s so raw but anything for sweet Lisa… ok so I read your post and it touched me I can feel and see right through it your emotions certainly are tangible, very! and please please keep on fighting I am currently working on a song for you errrr would hate to share it so raw because I am barely building the bones of it recording quality suck, no percussion, mess ups but honestly after reading this I thought I’d share a small piece of it with you hope I can make you smile at least a little… mmm so many posts maybe u wont hear it but it’s worth a try just so you know how much you mean to us… and truly it comes from the heart it’s still a baby song look at it as just a skeleton 0_0 ❤
http://www.4shared.com/file/140484655/6ac75851/LISA.html
Hey Lisa,
I have been a silent reader of your blogs and twitters. But today….I couldn’t stop myself–it just bursted out of me. I am a big fan of your work, aesthetics, your philosophy everything you do is so different…..and definitely your are beauty with brain. I am scientist by profession and work on prostate and breast cancer. I came across people who have been suffered by this disease, some of them are or was dear to me.
You are so different from others….so STRONG, and LIVE STRONG, and FACE STRONG…..MY STRONG STEEL LADY.
A poem for You:
The beauty of the heart
is the lasting beauty:
its lips give to drink
of the water of life.
Truly it is the water,
that which pours,
and the one who drinks.
All three become one when
your talisman is shattered.
That oneness you can’t know
by reasoning
-Rumi
I know you are strong…..and I believe in you, you will be just fine.
Take care,
Bilaal
Dear Lisa,
Good to see you have taken steps back down from the roof-we were worried! Welcome back & good for you that you took some time to “hide” and have chosen “you” over work for now. Though we know you like to stay busy, especially now, care for yourself, as you need it.
No one can sustain the type of fight you fight every day, emotionally and physically, head on, 24-7 without some breach in the old invincibility armor. For me, this is the most transparent blog of yours that I have read-your walls seem to be melting away-and that is ok. We’re the only species that is capable of that.
As we stand by your side, as fans from around the world, we are witnessing an unpredictable metamorphosis of “Lisa”. It is the way in which you ultimately triumph personally that will have the greatest impact of how you view the journey behind you. And until then, we support you, whether it be for the steps of your walk on October 18th, and each step after that. Your blog, and your candor-today especially illuminates your courage in simply showing your humanity. And I bet after this one, you may need, yet another nap!:)
Though we can never walk exactly in your shoes, as only you know your journey, you’ve touched our lives in such a way that we continue to keep you in our prayers and hope that through the dark days and those that feel hopeless, that you always remember not just those accomplishments behind you-but that you see the break in the clouds down the road, and can focus on your personal breakthroughs.
You’ve reminded us all that behind our perception is a 24-7 human complexity that cannot be predicted, contained or captured (the ‘essence’ of humanity)-and most of all that through all of our ups and downs there is a human heart that we must embrace-regardless if we are afraid or uncertain. Your mom was obviously is special to you, as was mine to me (I lost her 2 years ago), so I can relate to your ever growing need to be near her right now. She is watching over you, and clearly you have gotten more than a chip off the old block, lighting up any room or set with just your presence and seeing your mom in yourself.
Allowing the treatment to heal your body may ravage your soul in the process, but it is up to you whether you emerge renewed or defeated. We continue to keep you in our hearts and minds, and hope that with the support from all of us who look on from afar, and your wonderful support network of personal friends and family, that the craziness that you feel now and the honesty you’ve laid out for yourself and the world,are all part of your eventual metamorphosis.
And when none of this works, scream til you cry, attempt to pickup the macaroon (they’re so yummy!), and look yourself in the eye. You’ll be surprised, that just when you thought you had no more strength…around the bend…there are 100’s of good reasons to step on the gas and keep going. Do that, and you will defy your own fears.
Borrowing a line from one of my favorite movies (The Lord of The Rings): On to Mordor!
Looking forward to “The Harvest”…
-As you say “Never Stop Fighting”-
Sariena
(Digital Babe)
Dear Lisa,
I can not see anything except the words ” I’m, like, six again And I miss my mom”.
….Well, I don’t know what to say, but my eyes are filled with tears while reading.
I know it’s hard to keeping smile and always be a brave woman when seems it might be only short lived.
You are experiencing a downer and weak at this moment.
But, I have to say “if you give up, then the battle/ game will be over.”
“Never Stop Fighting! and Never Stop Believing!”
Not just for your dad, Bobcat and friends, but for yourself.
I always believe You will get BETTER soon just as you said “it didn’t occur to me that I won’t get better”.
Telling your heart don’t ever be afraid. Your’re learning to be strong and brave!
Telling your heart don’t ever be afraid. You’re stronger and you will be brave!
Just be Brave,Brave!
Habibti, Remember, we all LOVE you!
God bless you!
Anita
Dear Lisa,
Love your feisty gentleness. Thank you for being here with us. Thank you for sharing and not giving up.
YOU ARE A GEM. YOU ARE A LIONESS.
Playing you, Lisa Rani Ray, the most important role of your life, no easy task, but an undeniable and rewarding one.
I look forward to your Full Remission. Transformation.
Do smile, your beautiful smile invites strength and brings YELLOW, LOTS OF THEM!
Always with much love & light,
Sabrina
Hi. Lisa~
There is no easy way. Human beings are not perfect.
Therefore some reactions are necessary to the weaknesses
of this imperfect mammal.
First is to conceal.
This way seems like it is easier than any other means.
However, it gets us into trouble ultimately.
Second is to reveal weaknesses.
After the reveal, it is possible that we might feel like we are not able do anything. But after the reveal, we have to make an effort and try to overcome it as hardest as we can.
Just try to express your feeling.
It will be painful path but don’t give up.
(I know you can do it)
Always have positive thinking and releasing the stress.
Avoiding to be alone for a long time and have communication
with relatives.
You must be sleeping right now.
Even though I’m far away, I’ll always cheer you up.
I wish you the best luck in everyting.
Bye~ take care
ps. To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.
Dear Lisa,
hi dear , i felt sad after reading your writing, im so sorry to say that , but its true, i dun know how to express my emotions, my heart was lancinating when i heard tat you miss your mum,your infection eye, steroid increases and you hv to fight with your difficult journey by alone,(i mean the suffering).i cant help you anything beside pray.of coz we all here be with you , pray for you and give you a BIG BIG HUG。
well i lost my lovely mum and nephew just a couple months ago, they left us only 21 days different, and my nephew only got 23 years old .well , how to say tat? we can’t control over our life.and i miss my mum too .so, 16 of oct last chemo, and 18 is 5k walk, i know tat you can do it but just try your best ok , im worry about your situation on tat day, you know tat , after chemo … disaster…….i dun know whether you hv enough time to rest or not.so from now on, take your time to rest, drink more water too。oh ya , when will you go to Argentina? will you come to Paraguay too? hahaha, just my dream.if you go to Argentina,you also can go to the Igguassu’s waterfall in Brazil too, its amazing , the most beautiful waterfall in the world. no kidding.
i gotta sleep, is too late for me , so today send my best wishes to you , have a good rest and sweet dream too . g9 mi amor.Te amor
love
felyse
a very moving blog. totally feel for you. chin up. walk with confidence. cherish but no question of perish. its election day here and have to go to work late. will reflect on your blog for an hour before i leave for my mundane existence. there is a cancer in monotony as well.
Lisa
your blog is very deep and touching. I want to hug you and give you my heart and soul in the same way I gave my friend when she was battling her cancer. It hard to believe this month is one year ago when she was diagnoise . Your mom is feeling you in spirit and her prescence is surrounding you with love of comfort. Stay strong my love. I know it is life altering experience. Just believe, you only have to believe. I love you and like a cat with nine lives you will beat this beast and come back. All my love and prayers to you.
Dear Lisa,
Sooooo glad to find your new post! 🙂
Sure, you’re there. And we’re here. But we have this beautiful highway we all meet to take that bus to journey together.
Crisis of all sorts – we eat it here for breakfast! Now, our beloved country is under-water!
But yes, we live in the moment and we shall surface every time a new day breaks!
God bless you Lisa! Much love for you from this part of the globe!
Mahal Kita,
Iamne
Philippines
Habibti,
I cried with your words. I know that your mother will be with you allways.
You can feel the sadness… You are an human being. A most beautiful human being…
My lovely Lisa: “Never stop fighting”… You are amazing, a warrior, an example for all of us.
Now I’m with you in my prayers and my thoughts.
I love you so much!!! Your family, friends and Yellow Diarists loves you!!!!
Yes… AGAIN: FFF
FAITH
FORTITUDE
FIGHT
FIGHT AND FIGHT AND FIGHT!!!!!!
MUCHA FUERZA, MUCHA LUZ.
Best wishes from another fan from Argentina…
Ximena ( ximeavila78@hotmail.com )
P.D.: Someday you can travel to Argentina… I’ll be here for you.
ermm, what i want to say is , i hv no idea what is the reason tat you hv to go to Argentina,but just as you said, drop all your preoccupations at the moment first, take your time there, release and relax , is spring season now .have a good trip and hv fun too. is a long journey too …..see ya !
Hola Fer!!! Veo que somos compatriotas. No sé de qué lugar sos. Yo estoy en Rosario.
No sé si entendí bien una parte del blog. ¿Puede ser que venga acá? ¿O será una forma de decir? Yo tampoco manejo perfectamente el inglés, pero…
Ojalá puedas darme tu opinión.
Saludos,
Ximena.
I pray for your health and happiness.
My dear Lisa,
The first thing that I did today morning to read you new blog. You cannot imagine how happy I am that you are here again.
Your writing is more than touching, I was impressed by your honesty and braveness to open your heart so deeply.
More deeper than before. We all have our own fears but the most difficult to share them…You will conquer them, I am sure.
The spirit of your beloved Mother will help you through this fight. She will always with you, she will be always the part of your life wherever she is in the heaven. She could be more than proud of you. And your dad…I respect him very much for supporting you. You need your Bobcat,too.
Think over the possibility of SCT again, it will give you the full remission and anything will happen to you, you should know that we all here for you sending the most yellow we can, support and love you, holding your hands and thinking of you everyminute from all parts of the world.
Reading your lines my eyes were full of tears and was smiling at the same time.
You give strength and faith for us and we want to give you all to you!
Please take care yourself and if you have enough energy send the next blog but ONLY then. SOON – as somebody said above, hearing this word will always remind me of you forever.
In spirit I’ll be with you on 16th October like everyday.
With love and hugs
Kati (from Hungary)
Habibi Lisa,
As mentioned earlier, I wanted to read your blog in full before making my one of my long comments, but I try not to write a long one.
Not because I don’t want to, but with tears in my eyes & in my heart, my thoughts are ‘all over the place’ – I just ‘can’t think straight’ – no pun intended. This is by far, the most heart-warming, heart-wrenching and emotional blog I have read from you and I can feel the pain you are going through.
My wish for you, Habibiti, is Stay Strong and don’t give up the fight! NEVER STOP FIGHTING – we are with you all the way.
Rest and sleep, yes you should catch up on your sleep and please don’t ever ‘knock back meds with wine’ – what are you trying to do, scare me/us…
Yes, do the Tarantella Dance …. Dance away the blues, get rid of the poison and begin the journey of mending….remission & transformation.
Nothing is impossible…everything is POSSIBLE and I have no doubt (or we have no doubt) you will get into FR club (soon) and if you need to take time off from work, so b it (at least for awhile) and stop having the ‘thinking party’ of one… the ‘material fear’ blah.
Yes, B Still and watch. I am delighted that you switch off your computer the last two weeks, you don’t have to blog if you cant – you don’t have to do anything but R&R and watch movies or spend time with your family (we understand).
The most important is for you to recuperate your strength and to prepare for your MM5K Walk this Sunday Oct 18 and yes…we are close to the CAD20K mark!!!
So, all your YELLOW Diarists are walking with you in Spirit as well and those that are able to be there to walk and support you – njoy their company as much as they njoy your company 😀
Glad that you are surrounded with so many loved ones, Shamim/Hanan, Sheetal, your family and friends…and this CIRCLE OF POSITIVE SHARING is not going anywhere but to be STILL for you.
Take care
BB, BG, BStrong & BSmiling always
MF
Pps: Thank you for blogging this one (I know it was hard to write in as much it was hard for us to read) but…it is worth every the wait for it. 😀 😀 hugs & xoxoxoxo
Yehhhhhh!!!! hi Lisa, you made me happy today……god bless you….you are an angel….i love you…i think on you all the time….don’t stop fighting please!!!….kisses…
Ross
Dear Dear L,
Today was a very sad day for me, my heart was hurt and my pain was sharp. Perhaps this is why when I read your blog this evening my heart was full of compassion for you, and tears came to my eyes easily when I read how much you miss your mom.
Someone wrote in their comment to you; ” You don’t always need to be strong”, this is such a truism L. Sometimes being strong simply means allowing yourself to feel emotion and fear and sadness. You have that right sweetheart, you have earned it.
You will be well, you will be in full remission, you will act again, you will be that nomad traveler again, you will BE again.
God bless you dear dear L. You and your dad and your Bobcat are in my prayers – as much as my own family.
Cats dance
on the roofs
made of tin
or thatched
whether hot
or cool
and perhaps
the dance
ends with time
or with force
below
no matter
the only truth
is truth
the only light
is light
There is no false
There is no dark
We cannot always
see what is there,
that’s all
I wish you days of rest and as Thanksgiving wraps up, I give thanks to YOU for continuing to bless us with your thoughts.
Rest up, I’ll be in touch again soon and hopefully you’ll have a lot more sustainable energy by the time I’m headed over to T.O. from Montreal next month.
Warmest,
— Shuvo
i saw your most recent interview you posted and your beauty still takes my breath away wet suit et all…
blue
Sweetie im so sorry about your mother. She must be watching you with love and her soul must be all around you. Never give up, you have a beautiful soul. Be strong for the sake of your mom. She will be happy to see you strong and powerful.
Love you loads,
Sasha from Abu Dhabi
“the traditional Italian melody which inspires convulsions”..You express so well!
I know Lisa..we all miss our Mom’s even when they are still alive, more than we can tell. As a kid I hated myself coz I couldn’t hate my mom enough when I was angry. If I was having one of my battles with her and got into any trouble…my ego notwithstanding I would cry out for her. One kind look from her and I would melt. And I am sure it’s true for all of us. when we are weak and broken, only a mother’s love and caring can nurture us and no one else’s love and caring can quite compensate…It’s how Nature made it.
I have understood that Love is not just about receiving love n getting it..But WE ALL need to express our love and give it. And it’s only our parents n mom’s especially who can see our love and our deep spiritual need even when we are being utterly stupid and foolish and pretending to shun everything away becuase we say we don’t need it!
I would like to believe, your Mom is around you. My Mom..for as long as I know always said and maintained “Nature is God”. She is not highly educated, extremely strong willed and does not follow religious practices or spiritual traditions. She seems very pragmatic on the surface and yet I find she is amazingly insightful and psychic. Like you can’t lie to her..she always knows :). I think, she is some kind of sage in her fundamental wisdom..anyways…..she has demonstrated amazing healing in our family by following the indian system of Ayurveda and naturopathy. However, these systems are slow and require 100% commitment to a lifestyle change. But still…you yourself know a lot. I am not a healer so will not give advice, but you know..eating natural unprocessed food, getting proper sunlight, taking steam to make every pore sweat..these things WILL HELP. Being a vegetarian for the duration of your period of healing may be required, as you may not want to eat food..where the source was traumatized before it could be converted into food for someone else!
I want you to heal because that is the story of hope a lot os us want and I don’t think the world can quite afford good human beings going..we have so few as it is :).
Love n Hugs!
Hey, I’m continuing to read your blog.
I hope you’ll feel better soon.
I didn’t know that you starred in Water. My friends loved the movie. Now I’ll have to watch it, to see you there.
By the way I think you should write a book or smth. You have a great language. The way you express everything that happens to you right now, your emotions and feelings… I don’t know if you’ve written before, but you have the gift of a writer. I guarantee me as your literature’s fan.
Mom is somebody very different form the others. Her role in our life is so special. I’m 24 and my mom has always been a role model of feminity, beauty and wisdom to me. No one can replace her. And she’s the only person that will love you no matter what.
Get well, stay strong
Anna
“IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT YOU WOULD NEVER GET BETTER”….hey, hey, hey “Señorita” you created all this event with your blog, you were the one to stir interest, emotions, debates, doubts, curiosity, suspicion and even stir up most of us with your strength …and now what?.. No way Lisa, no way…This is an uncomfortable phase you are going through, but we are all here with you in this…BTW have You checked how your facebook fan club is growing by the minute? That means we are all with you as many others that don’t need to be registered but are with you likewise…Lisa just keep facing it the way you have…keep facing it… cry if you want, bite everyone if you want, feel sorry for yourself if you want….be obnoxious and spoiled… IT’S OK… You can do it…this period is all about YOU… You deserve to do whatever you feel like doing, but YOU WILL soon get over this “situation”.. You will…You will.. Did you read what “STEPHANIE SUMMERS” wrote on your blog? I don’t know her, I just read her comment…well, read it a thousand times if necessary….YOU WILL GET OVER THIS…stop torturing yourself thinking about things that nobody knows if will or will not happen…just keep on facing it the way you have been facing it….“IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT YOU WOULD NEVER GET BETTER”.
P.S: Your friend from a far away country…Venezuela.
hello darling,
First and foremost im glad u had the energy to write yet another wonderful blog i must admit i was worried when the days went by and u hadnt written anything.
In regards to your mother im terribly sorry i cant even begin to imagine what its like to be without her, i dont know how u do it bcuz i dont think i could handle it my mom is my rock and without her i would be nothing…
I want you to know that eventhough i dont know u in person, and i may never get to meet u i feel like you are a part of my everyday life kind of like family or an extremely close friend :)…you are the first thing that comes to mind when i wake up and the last person i think of before going to bed, its like my little ritual i wake up say a little prayer for u and my family and at night i do the same. throught ur blogs i feel like i can see right past the distance and into your heart, and because i feel like i know the extremely amazing person that you are i want you to know that i believe in you and in what you can accomplish, the blog u posted today brought tears to my eyes because through your words i can feel your pain and i can only pray to God that things begin to get better and that u regain your strengh…i am only one person out of the millions of fans that u have but thats just it you are not alone we are all here with you, i may not be with you in person but my heart it next to you each and everyday praying that with each day your full recovery becomes closer..
Never give up Lisa the fight has only just begun and i kno you are a very strong person and youll do nothing but get better…God only gives us obstacles he knows we can overcome..
stay strong darling i will continue to pray for you 🙂
lots of love from california
monica xoxo
Ciao Lisa, la costanza viene sempre premiata! Ti auguro di tutto cuore tanta forza e coraggio. Che DIO ti benedica.
how did you get your picture to show on here?? jus curious 🙂
Beautiful one, inside (yes, even now) and out… though disease and fear are ravaging your will, you remain a constant trooper in this war. Your blog, your words give hope…your spirit.
And you are a fine actress, but don’t be such that you are fooling this new audience ever. I know you don’t…but don’t. We are captivated by the real Lisa Ray, not her character. You have our attention, not because of your outer beauty…your fight is what gravitates us to you…makes us want to fight with you, for you, for you all. However we’ve come here, we’ve stayed because we care.
I came innocently seeking general information on a soul I saw on the screen both 2 nights earlier and 1 year to the day before…they were from a film festival and in each story your character became completely true to herself and triumphed because of it. It gave everyone in the theatre hope…just as this current stage you are on is doing =)
Winning is relative and all in the eyes of the beholders…no matter, you will win because you give your everything. But don’t give EVERYTHING. You need your rest to continue, to recover, to win.
I’m pleased to find you are such a giver and poetic soul.
Let us with more momentary strength help you…tell to us what you need, want or could really use. You already have our support and prayers…how else may we be of help?
Have you given thought to a silent auction…perhaps an online one?
I have participated in quite a few through the years, but most noteably two this past month for a couple of teenage girls. One was another Canadian I knew only a singular joyous day. These donations to her cause did not assist her directly as she passed within weeks just this last month, but it brought so many people, many, many of them virtual strangers close to her parents and to one another. We have celebrated twice since she’s left and raised monies to help her parents with this unbelievable duty of love….the rest (and more to come) will go to a foundation in her name which is already in the legal works.
I have no doubt that you will beat this….and there are others who can benefit from your notoriety as well. Please give thought to this idea (?) Do let me know if I may be of some guidance 😉
One more thing before I go to bed: Of course you miss your mother. You are, afterall, a child…especially when taken ill or frightened. We all are =)
And I miss my mother.
She is the mystic in my marrow. She always understood more than my self-reverant mind would allow. She gave unconditionally. She transcended barriers of bone and flesh I won’t understand in this life. She was too powerful to capture in a picture. She was completely irreverent and she would change the barometer in a room just being there.
A lioness.
You’ve also given description to my own mother….I lost her 4 yrs ago, but she is the strength I draw from and yours will be the strength from which you draw. We are their daughters with the same makeup….compassionate and loving, unconditionally.
Go ahead and bite people…some of us like it 😉
Just be gentle.
Peace and steady pulses be with you, Lisa =)
Write again soon………..
Yaaayyyy, I came out purple!!!
Lisa,
When I saw how the medical establishment almost killed my mother with chemotherapy after a radical butchering mastectomy, I intervened. I made them stop giving her the f*cking poison which is what it is….if you drop it on the carpet it will burn a hole in the rug….
I hate even commenting here about this but I’m getting that same feeling with you. My mother still hates me for butting in and telling off her doctors, and she still thinks I’m a controlling Byotch, but at least she’s still alive after many years (and yes, still puffing away on her cigs, toothless and one titted and all).
Tell your Indian blood that you love it. It is good blood, it is a gift from your ancestors and makes you the brilliant and beautiful woman/writer that you are. Send positive loving thoughts to your good sacred Indian blood……
Wheatgrass increases hemoglobin production and has an alkalizing inflammatory effect. Grow and drink fresh wheatgrass. Put live things in your body. Life = Life.
OK…I’ll STFU now……..
Sending your Indian blood love and light…..
Om…….
Thank you for opening your heart. This seemed like a really difficult blog to get out. The tone so melancholy. I had tears in my eyes. I feel your pain and lonliness even though I will never completely know it. We all have our low points and bad days. It doesn’t reflect weakness. You are strong. You are headed for remission. We are with you. Stay strong and enjoy your walk. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is not exactly a comment on your last post, but something I felt like telling you, anyway.
Last November my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was operated and then given a hormone therapy, which she started and is still doing. Some time after starting her therapy she went to see an oncologyst, who also works on anthroposophical basis (see Rudolf Steiner and Co.) and she asked her whether she had happened to fly during the last years and how often… My sister actually flies quite a lot for work and not for work, within Europe and overseas. As far as we have no other breast cancer cases in our family, the oncologyst was wondering to what she had been exposed.
A couple of days before all that, while I was reading Ian White’s book on Bush Flower Essences, I found out that there’s a flower, called Mulla Mulla, which works, amongst others, on radiations we catch while having X-ray exams, radiation therapy or… flying!
Then I remembered I had given a Bush Flower Essence Combination which contains Mulla Mulla to a couple of clients (I work as a naturopath), who actually had to go abroad… they had to fly from Italy to Cuba and Brazil! To decide which essences to add to those I had already thought of, I had used a kinesiological test: i.e. I had not decided on the rational plan, the essence sort of “came out”. At the beginning I thought it was because they were going to sunbathe at tropics (the Combo is called Solaris), but after what I had read and what the oncologyst had told my sister I realised it was also to protect them from unpleasant flight consequences.
(Here you have just a couple of links on the matter: http://rpd.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/87/3/157
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15581056
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/380274.stm).
Now, why am I saying this? Because when you wrote that no one in your family had had cancer the whole thing just came to my mind. I also assumed, of course, that you did quite a lot of travelling… then, of course, human being is a marvellous complex system and I don’t think that there might be just one cause to what happens to us… but maybe this is a factor you could think of and the essence might be of use in the future: it also works in retrospective, i.e. cleanses the organism from accumulated radiations. (By the way it’s a vibrational remedy: it doesn’t work on the molecular plan, it doesn’t interfere at that level). But then, maybe, you already know all this, I must confess I’ve just bumped into your blog and I haven’t read it all… the part on Sangha, yes, I did read it: so maybe I’m saying all this in the name of Sangha, resonance and the infinite resources of human beings. And in the name of ‘alternative girls’ and their love for research.
Really wishing you all the best
Elena
kiss :o)
Hey lisa,
i just cam across your blog after reading about your illness..cant tell you how shocked i was..all i wanna say is my best wishes are with you..please get well soon n take a good care of yourself. Good to see that you are such a strong person. I belong to a sikh family n we are having this religious ceremony at my place and i just prayed for your well-being. Get well soon honey …
Lisa
Your new blog touches me, i have no word……..
I just want to say you, don’t stop fighting, and never say die,
never………………………….
Kisses from France
dear lisa,
i’m a reiki II practitioner and wanted to let you know that i’m dedicating my morning and evening reiki session to you. that’s about 2 hours a day 🙂
after receiving a reiki II attunement a considerable amount of power is added to sessions and so are the methods and tools for healing someone not physically present (distance healing).
i’m sending you all the energy and power from the earth that my little hands can manage. (you’re free of course to deny that energy.)
on the more ‘tangible’ side, i’ve joined onematch. you are truly making a difference; it never would have occurred to me to do something like that before reading your blog/twitter. i’ve also had my partner join. that’s two more possible lifesaving matches!
btw, all your fans have seen you in Water, we all know you’re stunning with or without hair!
visualize wellness and it will come. with time.
-s
“But the wisdom of living is in that which gives you the power to give it up”. Sir Rabindranath Tagore. Sempre. Grazie di esistere. Ti penso. Ciao 🙂
Lisa I’ll give you a warm HUG
I know what how you feel
We Love You so much, Take Care
Keep Holdin on I know you can fight over this 😉
Our Prayers are with you
Lisa
It’s me again, do you know your french is perfect Lisa and i keep the faith to meet you one day and when your health will be better ,when red and white blood don’t remind you wine i’ll take my best bottle in my wine cellar(Gewurztraminer if you want lol) an it will be a pleasure to have a drink with you!
Love your leopard socks:)
Take care
Hello Ms. Sunshine Ray!
I already shared once today….but wanted to share this little tid-bit….because it made me smile to think back on the day…I watched my cousins 2 very energetic girls, ages 6 and 4, so I thought that I’d share with you some insights of my take of the day!
I’m wide awake after taking my nap at 9:00 pm till 11:30 pm….Don’t ask…it really is illogical…. so I thought that I’d share with you some insights of my day!
I’ve decided that I need to make a list of Top 10 Things Not To Do! These are from experiences of today ….of course….scary!
1. Don’t eat Peanut M&M’s before taking a nap at 9 in the evening….it is like LSD for lightweights…WOW! Vivid is all I can say! WOW!
2. Don’t fly a kite in the middle of the street….especially when you give it to a 4 year old to hold….Need I say more?
3. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you can clean with 2 Tasmanian Devils whirling around your house…..
4. Don’t give your dog a bowl full of dog treats for dinner, because you forgot to get dog food….Can you say Bad, Bad, Gas! I know it isn’t me… Millie! PHEW!
5. Don’t even dabble in watching Sponge Bob Square Pants….6 shows later… I know that I will need to go back into therapy.
6. Don’t mix Lime Away with Kaboom toilet cleaner…..You really get a KABOOM with a strong scent all over the floor!
7. Don’t think that you can trick a 6 year old into thinking that Crystal Light is a fruit punch drink….She’ll call you out on it! She wants to see the bottle it came out of? What kid asks to see the bottle???
8. Don’t try to pass off generic Cocoa Pebbles for the real deal…..according to 4 year olds around the world…the crunch is different! What???
9. Don’t ask a 4 year old if she needs help in the bathroom….she will give you play-by-play through the door….”Yep, that is 6 poops now.”
10. Don’t answer the question…”Can you do this??? What, my Mermaid Barbie can see!” The Best contortionist would be in traction for months….
And just as an added Bonus! Never having been married…..”So when you use to have a husband… did he want you to have kids?” I think the all the above answers that question!
This sums up my Top 10 Things Not To Do In A Day!
I have to say it was the most mind stimulating afternoon I have had in months….
Find Joy in the Simple Things….you are in my Thoughts and Prayers!
Love you!,
Gingerella (A few days late and one Prince short for the Ball!)
Blimey there are some beautiful comments from people! The author of one of the books the publisher I work for has just published on the human brain says that there is a type of mirroring that happens in our brains when we see things happen to others. So, if you see somebody prick themselves with a needle, the cells that would be triggered in your brain if you had pricked yourself are activated. We’re hard-wired to react and connect to others. Blogging seems to do it 21st century style. It was my best friend’s birthday on the 4th and in celebration I’ve sponsored a girl through PLAN – been meaning to do that for some time now but your blog gave me the required kick up the proverbial. Thanks for the kick/nudge, who knows what I might do next… Take care, and from what I can see, shoulders abound, so lean whenever you need to.
Witam !
Muszę przyznać że jestem pozytywnie zaskoczona twoim podejściem do sytuacji,twoim podejściem do choroby..twoje pozytywne nastawienie dodaje mi sił,dlaczego?Bo moja mama tez choruje na raka,no ale niestety nie jest na tyle silna żeby tak traktować tą chorobę,zbytnio się przejmuje i depresja też ją bardzo osłabiła.Ale wiesz zaczynam jej opowiadać o tobie i twoim podejściu do choroby,bo mam nadzieję że to doda jej sił i pozwoli patrzeć pozytywnie.
Podziwiam cię!! Całkiem nie dawno dowiedziałam się że chorujesz,i z resztą całkiem nie dawno dowiedziałam się że mamy tak wspaniałą aktorkę :)..bo szczerze nigdy przedtem o tobie nie słyszałam..no ale teraz mam szanse to nadrobić nawet poprzez twój Blog :).
Nie wiem czy będziesz w stanie odczytać to co napisałam ,bo piszę po Polsku..hmm ale co tam raz się żyje,spróbować można 😛
Życzę powodzenia i nie przestawaj walczyć!
Pozdrawam
Marta
bravo braveheart.Sail on..our prayes & good wishes are with U
dear lisa
its so good to read u again.
i feel moved, and i dont have the words that do justice to them.
loads of love for u.
and all my good wishes too
Dear Lisa,
You’re a strong and inspiring lady. Best wishes on your path to full recovery.
A
Lisa
You know i think if Hemigway was here today he’d say you
“world is a wonderful place and worth fighting for”
Dear Ms. Ray,
I’ve got to read your blog this morning,no words left and went back silently with a broken heart.
But now I m back. Just want to say please don’t stop fighting. You will be better soon.
Do whatever you want , but never stop fighting.You must get FULL REMISSION.
Again ..remember !!! You must get Full Remission.
And don’t forget We LOVE you very much.
Your blog reminds me of the pain of people unknown, suffering from cancer, AIDS and similar others……so difficult a feeling it must be to live with. But still they do and fight like a brave little girl to get the chocolate from a stubborn Dad who is worried that too much of chocolate might spoil her teeth. You too can fight for the chocolate Lisa!! God bless!
wow..i missed you soo much and i feel relived, cuz read your
writing again. you should know that your writing is inspiring
and healing all of us and makes me laugh even i can’t
understand whole thing cuz of my english but it works!
cuz i can feel something.
sending my hugs and love from korea.
and thank you for sharing to us.
reading ur writing, my heart is broken..
Lisa, you are so strong and i know you won’t stop fighting
but sometimes you can be tired for everything.
you don’t have to be strong all the time, you can be a 6aged girl like you said. just believe urself, hear the voice inside you!
and plz feel our loves and prays that always be with you.
wait, can you speak french? gosh what’s that you can’t?
hope you sleep well and filled with full energy!
love you soooooooooooooooooo much
yu
Lisa –
Your post was raw. Something that we all need to realize, that this is as real as it gets. This is real-time emotion. You affect me so much through your writing of what is happening to you. The need to do something to help is overpowering.
Thank you for continuing to involve us in our selfish need to know and to connect with you – even if it is through your blog. I can’t imagine anything more revealing than what you have given here.
Thank you.
Luci
hey babe,
just a reminder that i’m walking with you.. well running.. if i knew you’d need broad shoulders to lean on, i’d sign up for the walk instead.. anyway, am hoping we can greet at some point.. my training for the run is going well, considering i’m not a runner, and only started a week ago.. lol
have a great day 🙂
Hi there, Lisa,
You got me thinking about Hemingway’s short stories.
‘A Days Wait’ focuses on a nine-year old boy named Schatz and his father. When the boy gets the flu, his temperature rises to 102 degrees. He grows very quiet and finally asks when he will die, thinking that a 102 degree temperature is lethal because he heard in France (where Celsius is used) that one cannot live with a temperature over 44 degrees. When the father explains to him the difference in scales, Schatz slowly relaxes the tight hold he had on himself, and the next day, “he cried very easily at little things that were of no importance.”
Lisa, please hold tight to your beliefs. Please continue to perceive your life, your world, as you did when you began this journey –
“It never occurred to me that I would not get better.”
If I might share one of my tacts:
Believe that you ALREADY ARE COMPLETELY WELL, no matter. And, what is within you, your spirit, your essence, will surface. And, soon, your body and mind and heart will follow.
I have come to believe that this is a secret to life. And, it is just one of the beliefs that has kept me fully living each day, without revisiting my yesterdays and without regard to my tomorrows.
Have there been times, in the last 26 years of my journey, when I needed to kick dirt and search for the green in the last blade of grass? Sure, there have been times. But, funnily enough, in these moments, as if a red flag pops up in my brain, I pause; and, and I laugh, as I am reminded of something Emerson said, “Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience.”
Lisa, everything is temporary. Life is a matter of perception — your perception, nobody else’s.
You are amazing. Prepare to amaze yourself. 🙂
Bonjour Lisa
Don’t worry and stay strong, the hard times you’re going through will end soon. Take this as a way to enjoy better life then, when you’ll recover all your physic strengh ! soon soon soon soon soon ! I am convinced !
damn sides effect btw!
“Paris est une fête”, what a beautiful book..
Love from France, and from all of us here, dear Lisa!
Dearest Lisa, glad to hear you again! but of course, just when you want to write you write. we understand and we’re so pleased to wait (for a beautiful woman … wow!)
Second, I can hardly speak i could understand how hard the pain, the suffer, that you’re going through, but I can say understand what you felt. Just express yourself … when you wanna cry then cry, you can cry on our shoulder; just like when you smile, we share:)
and … if you wanna bite, I will be very pleased and it would be my honour, to give you a hand (and you bit it!)
and … I just wanna say, I LOVE YOU! and there many people here like me who can explain how much we feel for you. We just your fans, no matter what will be.
p.s. Your dad is great and you mama, who’s in heaven with God, will be watching and do what she could to protect her adorable daughter.
All the best for the trip to Argentina, the last chemo, and the Walk.
Take care! We are with you Lisa!
Lisa,
You will get through this. You are getting through it! One day at a time, one moment at a time. Just keep walking, keep moving forward.
Deborah
Hi sweet Lisa!
I don’t speak english but i need so much to say somethings to you, i ask for excuses if you can’t understand what i will say to you because my english is a nastiness.
Last week i was watching a movie, it was “i can think straight”, i watched tree times until now, is very cute and your actuation really inspires me, you are a pretty person and very talented.
Yesterday at night i was searching at google for pictures of you and infos about your other movies and i find this blog.
First I thought that was a fan blog about you, i never would imagine that you is who write here. YOU! It’s amazing.
But, i caught my dictionary and tried to understand your post and i was very sad with your post. And when a say sad, please believe me. Yesterday when i put my head in my pillow i can’t sleep thinking and i was really sad with all that is happening with you. I prayed for Good asking for you and i spend a long time thinking about what i can write so that you knew about my feelings without you founded me a insane person. I was right that my reply for you would not make any difference, but i felt all this sadnesse about you and i think that is important to me let you know about this.
Of now and ahead i will be following your posts and asking for Good for your health and hapiness. I believe in your cure, i’m sure that is perfectly possible and you will be good soon with the full remission.
I’m a completly strange for you, i know. But i really really really desire the best for you.
Good bless you and give you the strong power to support the difficults in the way until the cure.
I have a band in my country and i will write a song 4 you. Soon as possible i will send it for you.
Sorry about my poor english.
Everyone here and lots of there always love you. I love you. Sharing your emotions your feelings …. anything to me , to us…. I’m gonna receive all. I pray for you.
I would be the most happy person if you reply my message teeling us if your messages makes any difference in your life.
And i’d loved to know how we can make the difference in your life and in the lifes of other persons in this world with the same problem.
People like you was born to modify this world!
thanks Kelly, I needed today your basic wisdom; having to find essentials isn’t “natural” after all a busy life…;
romainb
Sunrise is a beautiful sign of hope..
it was created by God to let us know
that life does not end after sunset..
Life is at it’s weakest when there is doubt than trust.
But, life is at it’s strongest when you learn how to trust
inspite of all the doubts.
Wishing you the brightest day ahead.
Best wishes for your last day of chemo and your walk!
I leave a comment yesterday on the new blog here! but today I had the time to read … there is someone to translate messages from the heart?
while reading the tears were flowing from my eyes, mixed feelings, I was in your shoes and put them as I felt much pain in my soul, my being, and the minutes passed I felt a force … . you are strong do not give up ever, here we are all with you, if you drop the hair, the same day I removed all the hair on my head, and that many will. . rests much, and eat … the best beef in the world, is there behind the Andes (Argentina) and if you’re going to be so close to chile, (remember that also is behind the Cordillera of the Andes) could go to see my beautiful country, or go Easter Island, this is a magic place, full of mistery.
the next weeks I’m traveling to my country because it lived in the U.S……….
lisa on 18 we walk with you in spirit and beside you.
we are all, sending you lots of power and plenty of light, for everything that comes in the way of your life.we will be there here ….. the strength of the yellow and transfer all the borders of the world!
con todo mi amor querida lisa ray
ps:que viva el amarillo!!
I hear your pain and am greatly moved by it.
Like a soft-coated stick of luminous yellow Brighton Rock, through you runs a resilient core of ‘humanity’ set in deep red.
It takes sharper teeth than Grief, Despair and Fear can bare to snap this stick of rock. Rock toughened still by friendship, family and love.
After the convulsions of the Tarantella you will emerge from your wetsuit like butterfly in Eden. Then you will not need to climb onto the roof again. You will be able to soar beyond it.
The world is a more beautiful place with you in it.
My Dearest Lisa
i write to u as if suddenly you would part ways from me in this life or i imagine it is a lie.no second chance is ever betaken,the first -timers always walk the earth free only by chance that there happened to be an accident somewhere in cosmos,a long long time ago what today in this millenium at this hour we call love.
Movement is inherent in the earth
the earth is inherent in mass
the mass is inherent in space
the space is inherent in time
the time is inherent in movement
the movement is inherent in love
the love is inherent in order
and the order is inherent in omnipresence
this omnipresence is all what prevails even this damn bone cancer
P.S This is a simulation of my metaphysics which i call Natural existential Order and as love inherent in you, the chances are that you prevail a long over multiple myleoma
Hi
Haven’t seen u for a long time .it seemed that something happened in these absent days .
U Know cancer is just like this ,on one knows what’s going on next.But i think what u need is to follow ur own mind to be at ease,and take the doctor’s advice.Please don’t give urself so many pressure ,it’s ok to speak out what i want us to know.JUST LIVE A NORMAL LIFE ,EVEN THOUGH IT IS A PATIENT‘S LIFE.
we are all here to love u ,,our love formed a firm circle to protect u forever….we love u ,cause u deser it !!
What’s more ,i don’t get it clearly if u wanna a kid in the future.But i think that if u want ,maybe u can refrigerate ur ovum in case of anything unexpected.
pray for u ,my sister.
Love from China
Stay Alive Lisa, there are chemo free days ahead and yes stroids cause severe mood swings but that should end when you stop taking them (if you are still taking them it’s been too long and abruptly stopping can ncause heart failure you have to wean yourself off of steroids).
Yes chemo cfauses weakness because you can’t focus on other things when your body is being used my the chemo to fight the disease.
Sometimews it’s the waiting that’s the hardest.
That why they calls us “patients” (patience).
Dear Lisa,
The world is better because of YOU….!!!!
Please, never stop the fight.
YOU will win.
You are unique!!!!
Let the sunshine in your heart….
Hola Ximena !! Mi inglés es pésimo pero creo que Lisa se refirió a la Argentina en sentido figurado… aunque eso no descarta que no lo desee verdad? Ojalá suceda y felices de la vida de tenerla con nosotras !!
Besos,
Fer.
Dear Lisa,
Good to hear from you again. =)
Nothing much to add, your words and your genuine feeling are embedded into my heart.
Be who you want to be, do what you wish to do. =)
Take care.
Cuddles,
-pian-
Dear Lisa,
I’ll join your 5k walk on the 18th, but in Taiwan, not Toronto. I’ll run 5k on this day. And not just this day, I’ll run every night when the weather is fine, for you and for myself. I do hope to see you run next year. If there’re times you don’t want to fight, it’s fine. Just sit back and do nothing. You are always in my prayers.
Love
Sue
hi hope that you are getting better and may god give you the courage to fight against all this and i am sure god has given you the courage and thats why he is taking exam from you just keep firm belief on the god and he will make things easy for you insha allah
Hi romainb,
Oh gosh, who among us doesn’t know the truth of what you say — busy life? 🙂
And, given our busy days and our unfortunate, though, to your point, natural tendency to get “lost” in the routine or flurry of them, perhaps, it might be worth noting the following “essential” reminder on our PDA or calendar/scheduling device : )
Sometimes, we need to remind ourselves that . . .
. . . life is not in the doing, but rather, it is in the being.
I love you and i believe ull get well very soon. Life has got unexpected turns so one should be well prepared for all of this. No one knows what ll happen to them the next moment. So just pray to God and ask for His Mercy.
Love and Prayers
Hina
“Pour aller de l’avant, il faut prendre du recul.
Car prendre du recul, c’est prendre de l’élan.”
MC Solaar
Excellent Writing…..
Do Consider becoming a writer as your backup plan……
Keep Blogging…..
Hola Lisa
I missed you…even I left you on the twitter some messages I was actually worried because for some reason I knew something had happen not only with your cancer…also inside of you. What can I say…that every other one hasn´t said yet…Well maybe that I am keeping my promise that I made you the very first day as I promised you to support you…even if it´s just by mail. When you say that you miss your mother…I do understand that feeling. I lost my father 10 years ago, and even that I didn´t have a good relationship with him…I still remember all the things that he would tell me. My mom is 83 years old, and I don´t want to imagine the day that she leaves me alone. Even that I have a brother we are quite different in every single aspect. I´m a person that fight constantly to reach the finishing line…but belive me…it gets to a point were your strenght leaves you and you just want to send everything to hell. But than I say to myself, you are not going to win…you are not going to make me loose my faith in what I belive.
It´s hard Lisa, and worst when someday you notice that instead of walking two step forward you have actually walked five back. But you can´t look back or think of tomorrow.You got to live the moment, that´s the sense of being in this world.
There is always a tomorrow,and live will always give you a second chance to do things right, but in case that I am wrong and today is all what is left, I would like to tell you that I am never going to forget you.
If these lines were the last once I would send you, I would have made sure to tell you that it would had been a great pleasure meeting you.
Live is not the time that you have lived,it´s what you remember of it, and how you remember it to talk about it.
The memory in our hearts eliminates bad experiences and make the good ones even better, that´s how we can deal with the past.
Being a star…I wouldn´t want to be one.It´s like climbing a high mountain, you kill yourself to get to the very top, and once you are there, what do they do?
They got to climb back down at least discrete and with all the dignity.
If I had a heart, I would write all my hate over ice and put it out in the sun.
The bad thing about wisdom is, that it arrives when we don´t need it anymore. It´s a shame.
That´s why you got to think that life is a continues passing of oportunities to go on… surviving, and that death doesn´t arrives when you have reached a certain age…it arrives when everybody has forgotten you.
Appreciate things not by their value,do it for what they mean to you. Say always what you think and do what you have in mind.
And remember, what happiness can´t cure, no medicine will do it either.
Un beso Lisa…Take care…
M.Jose
Dear Lisa:
Wish you all the best, including treatment, mm5k walk, stem cell collection and the stem cell transplant.
( May I ask you a question?About stem cell collection, from your bone marrow?or your peripheral blood?)
I’m so glad that I have written a few articles regarding Multiple Myeloma and Stem cell Transplant for my friends (Last month, on your blog “be very suspicious”, I told you I will write an article which is about Multiple Myeloma for my friends, I want to let them know what is Multiple Myeloma.), and I post the articles in the internet forum that I am joining. I’m sure that many people read these articles.
From your twitter, I know your insurance company are unable to offer you, and I also know the medications, the cancer treatment, everything cost money. Therefore, I worry about you, do you have any financial difficulties now? If you need any financial help, please let us know, I am very sure many people are willing to help you, including me.
Love you
Your fan from Taiwan
Dear Lisa,
Just flow with the flow and stop resisting. The path of least resistance is the greatest healer. You are in an intense meditative state. Great. But witnessing often slips into analysis.And analysis is anti-meditation. So witness, but beware of analysis.
Your awareness, your beauty, your fearlessness humbles me. Do not cling to time.From time slip into timelessness-the dimension of eternity. Sleep well, eat well and all the best for your final chemo on 16th October.
And remember, ” This too shall pass.” Its the nature of life. Every situation, every adversity passes away.
As for your distraction, u have reclaimed the wonder of the child. The slightest piece of foil fills u with wonder and takes u in its depths. You have attained the kingdom of god. The wonder, the beauty of this existence, amidst the suffering of the treatment, is unraveling. But this is the dialectic of life. It moves in opposites. The greatest joy moves with the greatest suffering.
Lisa remember at every moment i am there for you. Just tell me, anything that you want my love. And stop worrying.Please read as much Osho as u can. And dance the tarantella.get well soon.love ,ankur.
I have to admit I’m relieved to hear from you! I can even begin to imagine how tough it must be sometimes to find the energy to write here.
Take good care of yourself,
Pascaline
PS: mariage freres is the best tea ever! I agree!
“Yellolution”
The Mellow Diaries
Hiya LR,
So….the birth has happened…! After painful labour, anxiety, endless anticipation and oh-so –much-rubbish banter on your blog, without you being around.
The baby is welcomed with opened arms. We devour your words like a ravenous wolf starved of its meat for eons. And it’s such pleasure to see the yellow…flow again.
Hmm..u declare u’ll defer the stem transplant. Take it as it comes LR…I’m sure your marrow will shout out when need be. You listen and you learn. Wait for the voice.
My voice tells me that CANCER IS VERY LIMITED! Evidently, from your blog, there are just soooo many things it can’t do:
It can’t cripple love
It can’t shatter hope
It can’t corrode faith
It can’t destroy peace
It can’t kill friendship
It can’t suppress memories
It can’t silence courage
It can’t invade the soul
It can’t steal eternal life
…and it can’t conquer the spirit!!
Missing mom is like missing a missing limb…its irreplaceable. It cripples you, the feeling, but doesn’t keep you from moving on. Have lost a parent too, just few months back. And yup, it feels like losing a limb, an eye, or a finger.
The Tarentella sounds exotic…almost like tap-dancing with a spider called Stella (tap-dance with Stella cud be called Tarantella) 🙂 😀 Sorry, bad one!
You’re almost sooooo Tarantellizing with your writing, woman!! 🙂
You don’t stop do you!! Just like the Yellolution you never knew you started, where:
• I luv that you admit to missing your mom so much…& with every passing blog, have so many more of us, missing u so much more!
• I luv that you have atleast enough energy to butter that toast every morning…coz ‘buttering up’ they say is one of the tougher jobs
• I luv that you’ve surrendered to being stripped down, to being with yourself…which only means, we’ll get more of the “you” we’ve been yearning to know (spelling backwards is cool… “stressed” spelt backwards is “desserts”) 😀
• I luv that you say your mom gave unconditionally…when you too have given so much to the Yellolution, that its practically gonna be accepted by Microsoft/Linux as an actual word in their ‘dictionary’ 😉
• I luv that you bought those leopard printed socks….to dress the feline within you. Fight it! Get ‘em tiger!
• I luv that you thank all so effervescently…just like so many millions would wanna thank you for raising awareness, moolah and dignity about MM…to help find its cure in our lifetime
• I luv that…you promise to post again soon! I’m looking oh-so-forward!
This LR…is for how you Mellowed the Acceptance!
ALOHA!!!! JUST WANTED TO SAY I LOVE YOU LISA…YOUR A GREAT INSPIRATION TO US ALL..I LOVE READING YOUR BLOGS!!I WISH U DA BEST..AND KEEP DOING WHAT YOUR DOING!! UR GREAT!!!
Hello again…
WOW !!! Look at all this care and love washing over you….something is taking shape in this world and YOU, my strong friend, are a part of it…you’ve touched people somehow. I think it’s that you are obviously so genuine, one cannot help from feeling for you…with you.
I am without doubt that anyone in this forum, your blog (so INCREDIBLY written with emotions), wouldn’t do the same for one another now that you’ve brought us together in this ever-widening circle of love in it’s purest =)))
Some may be “crushes”, yes, but for the majority I believe we are all just humans relating to other humans and our innate need is to serve a higher purpose than the lives we can get so caught up in. We’re getting “real” and not a moment too late.
I’m overwhelmed and cannot imagine what you must be experiencing!
On a personal note; From the actual day I moved us into our new place I have been awake most nights for nearly a month and a half taking care of and worrying about my elderly, increasingly ailing cocker spaniel…the remaining twin sister to her brother who passed from us on Memorial Day. I have been surfing the internet articles and reading blogs and trying to gain as much knowledge on keeping my dog going as possible…cooking the most versatile and healthy organic meals I can imagine to entice her to eat more…but to no avail. She has taken her final turn and no matter what I further attempt, the end of our 14 year relationship is here. I’m bringing her into the vet to peacefully end her suffering tonight.
Why, one might ask, am I adding this bit of sadness to this comment? I wanted anyone and everyone to know that us finding this common ground to express our nurturing side has been a blessing for myself as well as Lisa. We all need to give of ourselves, especially at a time when you feel helpless and no longer needed. We’ve all been enriched from knowing what she has let us in on.
Just as you all will, I will be here for Lisa…she has inspired me to stop thinking about and get going on my own blog 😉
(don’t stop writing, Lisa, you are a complete natural!)
Thank you all for stepping up to testify that the heart has no boundaries =)
*group hug*
from Western New York
My dear Lisa,
first of all: I felt how heavy it was for you to write this blog… I read every sentence twice to let it come down easy on me.
I really admire you. Your feelings, your passion, your words, your everything. And you know? It’s ok to feel sad for yourself. You can. And when you need some one to lean on, I’m here for you. You don’t have to fight al the time. I mean; you need to rest. We are all human and it doesn’t matter how super you are, pain is always pain and we need to let go now and then.
And… Thank you for coming down! I was getting worried!
You mentioned some things that made me think a lot. And how deep the thoughts went, I can’t tell. The only
thing that I can tell you is that every person who read your blogs, who are surrounded by you, who know you, is praying for you. Not praying to get you well, no, you ARE going to get well…but praying for you to FEEL better.
And I’m so sorry for you, I want you to be happy.
Please take my joy and don’t return it.
Take my health. Take everything you need.
The only thing I want is seeing a true and happy smile on your beautiful and gorgeous and cute face.
Don’t forget me…
I love you
Esha Toekoen
The Netherlands
“In our body is hidden a metaphysical substance which is the incorruptible medicine. Release it and you heal.”
I think this substance exists, but there is only one thing that can release it and that is the truth. The truth breaks everyone but those it does not break it kills. Stories are great especially the big ones that in some way connect us to each other in what we hope will be a shared reality or awareness, and yet if these stories are tampered with all we have is the shared awareness in our minds but the litmus test that is in the very fiber of us will ultimately reject it and so we need a new story. I think this is what pain is ultimately, it is our body crying out for a new story. The brave thing we have to do is not bite our lip and stoically endure and pat ourselves on the back later even though its such a romantic story but rather to give birth to the new story which must come if we are to live in harmony with the righteous truth that is in us, that will not be denied and is the best part of us. That is my yellow.
bam
i so love you,
you are sweetness that is not found, even in dreams.
“The past is a tabula rasa, said Henri Cartier Bresson, but it usually comes back, like a burp.”
Might I deferentially offer that your present and future is tabula rasa, also? And, how wonderfully advantageous to feel a child of six and to have a blank slate. Don’t you agree?
My gosh, the “world is your oyster” and your potential is boundless. 🙂
And, how truly fantastic to be both distracted and occupied by a shiny bit of foil.
It is a huge blessing to rediscover and to discover anew.
Empathetically and sympathetically I will offer that it is a bit dismaying when the dial on your compass seems stuck or your life as you knew it has become a disassembled puzzle.
Please know that you will feel “together” again and find your way.
All of this is TEMPORARY (as are the symptoms).
And, it truly is life-serving to feel stuck and scattered.
Tabula Rasa — aka designing and truly living a life like a child, but one that has the benefit of your wisdom and new perspective(s).
My dear Lisa,
My thoughts were revolving around your lines all day, I read them at least three times, finally with a vocabulary to understand each and every word exactly.
They were so touching and so real that I could feel your pain, your suffer, your despair and your fears in my heart.
I do believe that sharing your fears is the best way to defeat them. We are all here to take over the burden with keeping the faith in you.
You definitely have strategy: never stop fighting….and we will fight together with you FOR YOU!
It is impossible to smile (as you did on Monday giving strength to others) to fight and to be a role model everyday, you just can be an ordinary girl missing her beloved Mum, feeling weakness, fearing from the unknown.
A sensitive, natural human being with great heart.
A close friend of us.
Whatever will be the side effects of SCT, how difficult will be going through, think, it will be temporary and finally you will join to the FR Club.
I do hope you will have enough energy to walk on Sunday but please do not force anything, do what you feel you can and nothing else!
with love
Kati
My dearest Lisa,
Firstly, I’m sending you love & Light and now a stream of the YELLOWIST of yellow, more than you can handle. (Feel it baby!!) 🙂
And don’t 4get “ami tumhaar bhalo bashi!”
Thank you for writing, always a joy to hear from you and now that you’re back on the ground. Thank you for sharing your reflections of your time up on the roof, heart felt.
Want you to know I’m here for you, always.
You mentioned your mum 3 times in your blog, and like you know she’s there with you and her love 4u will never stop flowing! It’s funny how we call out for our parents most when in time of need, I guess it brings us that comfort of being looked after when we need it the most. Remember Lisa, you have your father and many others there for you too.
You have a strong spirit – and the alchemy will spill over and give you strength in the present.
And anytime you wana let it out, rant all you like, cos im here to hear you out, bring it on litany and all. Just email,call, send a pigeon, for gods sake just shout, i’ll hear u.
I can take the bites too 🙂 ha!
And remember no one is judging you here, go crazy all you like, wit or without the Dex!
As 4 going to Argentina b4 or after your stem cell, think it through, get the advice and I’m sure you’ll make the right decision on when to make that trip!
Loving the snow leopard socks! I think im gona have to get a pair!
The body has an amazing power to heal itself. As a doctor friend tells me, that it’s called ‘the physis’ the self healing capability in us all. 🙂
And dancing cures all. So keep dancing!
Lisa, when u do the Tarantella on your MM walk, please can you make sure it gets recorded, 🙂 as I dont want to miss it, and as I cant be there on the 18th october.
Maybe you can share the recording on here?
Always here to carry you.
Me – x
on and darling, forgot to say, dont be so hard on yourself, i.e regarding all the commitments etc, and not being able to meet them; just focus on getting better, and promise all will fall into place.
lisa :
i found this link, please check this out
http://www.themmrc.org/
Dearest Lisa— my Virtuous, Brave and Fearless One!
Come on , you have come this far now and whats with this heavy HEART! If I write that I feel all your sorrows and all your pains Im afraid you may go away and leave us all hanging for a very long time .
But we are resilient supporters and we will all hang tight,united in love and prayers for you every moment of every day, all of us bloggers who care for and dearly love you Ms. Ray.
We are not about to lose you again for so long a period of waiting, hoping that some where, somehow our prayers will reach out to you our VIRTUOUS ONE!
God be with you and Bless you and your Dad…. amazing,blessed man! God Bless you, Sir.
My dear friend Lisa…. Take care and I will write soon and I ask for no forgiveness in expressing my thoughts.
All my Love..rosemarieramnarine@yahoo.com
I have printed this blog 12th Oct. so I can read at home and I will wrte soon……….Bye for now.
still here, still reading:-)
i think your blog really makes me feel aware of everyone OUT THERE, those who dont have a voice, who arent in the public eye or picture perfect – whoever they are, they are still human..and it takes another fellow human to read, to listen, to share, to lighten, to off load…to live for.
your blog is probably inspiring many others to be strong. dont let them down.
xxx
Namaste ma.
Wow such profound and prolific words. You articulate so beautifully. Maybe a yellow book? Riding the emotional rollacoster.experiencing so many different emotions on so many different level – thoughts / emotions swirling like a sufi – paradoxically being still. Most of all you chose to share your journey with the universe. In particular you touched another nerve on the metapyshical level – the oneness that you describ
in fact today i was in the red bus travelling through to the concrete jungle – WORK! readin Raja Yoga..the following words seem highlight: From Nebulae, the sun,moon, and stars are produced:then they dissolve snd go back to Nebulae~ The yellow seeping through your pours is simply the light you are shining dear.
This yellowution that you have created is overwhelming.
Your many friends, fans~universal family are walking along side you in spirit. <3<3 (((( activate ))))) inside thru the atom and outside blending with cosmos
sending much love, light and reiki healing and positive vibes. Lisa you are a true embodiment of a beautiful woman. MARCH ON SOLDIER! salut and peace out 4 now
x She.
excuse all the spelling errors~tired but wanted to contribute.
Hi Lisa,
Glad to see you back.
It was a very touching post . It reminded me so well my old times when I was where you are right now.
I also at one point didn´t wanna go ahead with the ASCT. After I finished my five cycles I told my doc, if I am in complete remission why do I have to go ahead now with an ASCT???.
I did a complete survey to convince myself. I talked to specialists all over the world: Durie, Jagannath, San Miguel, Slavin…only to realize that “I” would have to take the final decision. Since I was only 32 and I had a match, most of them adviced me an auto followed by mini-allo or directly an allo and just a few adviced me just an auto for now. I thought of my own nature and realized that I didn´t want an aggressive therapy for the moment and I went for the auto, leaving more aggressive treatments as my silver bullet. I was also aware that allos were much riskier.
Having or not ASCT is a very personal decision. My advice to you is that whatever you do, do it with conviction. It is important to believe and be convinced that whatever you do it will cure you.
The harvesting process is ok. Usually you get a higher chemo dose for that process, as a warming up for the ASCT sort of.
Believe or not, and at least for me, losing the hair turned out to be the less important side effect after all. It will grow back stronger and curly for a while. Physically after a year or so post transplant you´ll be the same you were before the transplant.
We definitely change but no neccessarily phisically.
Right now of course you see yourself quite different but as soon as you stop taking dex, as soon as you finish the treatment you´ll be back to your normal you Lisa.
Becoming infertile is another heavy issue..too heavy to deal with under dex…so just leave it for later on…You just cannot face everything at once.
Lack of concentration or memory are also chemo side effects but reversible…A MM friend used to tell me that that was because 99,9% of the brain was thinking about MM…
Try not to have time to think…not at least about MM….
You´ll be ok Lisa. The hard times will be over soon and you´ll be able to be back to your normal life..
Stay strong…
ximena y fer de argentina,les puedo ayudar a traducir cuando quieran el blog!! no tengo ningun problema,cuando quieran ,mandenme por esta via sus email y estamos en contacto, y si lisa va ir de viaje a argentina antes de su trasplante de celulas madres.chicas escribanme che,jajaja.
hi liza i have a wonderful news for u yes i was in the hospital today working as usuall so i met dr omnia she is my friend and colleage she was sooo happy today when i saw her in the cafetria of the hospital she sat with me and she said to me u will not gonna bealive this
i said what?she said that one of her prof. patiants have the same condition like u but he was worth than u because he find out that he is sick after long time but the great thing that the man now is just fine can u bealive that she ask me i was in that time thinking about u and i said to her yaa i bealive it and after i left the hospital,the first thing i did i drag my laptop to write that great news for u,i felt that u r the one who became fine not the man sooo i was cry yesterday when i read ur blog u know that,but today iam sooo happy because gods miracle is existed yes liza it is and u know what i think that when this day will come ur mother will feel that ,and she will be sooooo happy for u and so proud sure she will be cause she have a brave child like u , u have to know that she is looking all the time at u, she feel u and maybe she visit u every day she is around u liza looking at u when u be asleep and smilling at ur face ,plz be strong and fighter as u said before never stopped,for ur mother sake if u really love her,and i know of course u r,when u miss her just imagine her pic and u will feel her beside u in the bed warm u and smilling to u yes try it it works all of us lose a beloved pepole and we cant live without them but as for me i do that and is works ,so beauty be strong happy fighter ,have faith of the great god that u will have this mercy like that man,love u.
Hi All-though I already posted for Lisa, on this blog, I wanted to share a quick reminder. Like many I’ve been doing all I can to spread the word about Lisa’s official sites, her films and to support her in any way I can.
A quick reminder-Lisa’s Myeloma walk is coming up in 5 days. There’s still time to help her reach her goal, with any size donation. Visit her personal donation page at http://pmhf3.akaraisin.com/Pledge/Participant/Home.aspx?seid=2489&pid=172578&mid=9.
You can also follow Lisa on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/lisaraniray and her official website http://www.lisaraniray.com.
Enjoy!
Sariena
(Digitalbabe)
Dear Lisa – you got thrown a curveball, but you’ll knock it out of the ballpark. stay strong and focussed on your goal.
Thoughts and prayers.
G
Lisa,
Glad to hear from you. Honestly, I assumed the worst…But I’m glad you’re trucking on through. Your words are inspiring and transcending of the simple medium we use. You are a light. Keep shining.
S.
With a full slate of activities planned, I drove to my job this morning. There is not much traffic at 4:15 a.m. I almost have the roads to myself, as I drive the 40 miles from my home in the Chicago Downtown area to suburbia, the “home”of my employer.
I love the “holiness” of this hour.
The orange of dawn has yet to break the nightime spell on the autumn’s black sky. The twilight sparkles. Cool air wafts.
It is just the star-studded sky and me and my father, God.
And, I talk with “him.”
I spent the duration of my drive talking about you with “him,” today, Lisa.
I asked him that you see in yourself what he sees in you.
I asked him that you see past what you might be seeing: the matted hair or, if it should come to pass for you, a shiny scalp. I asked him that you see past the wrinkled pajamas or nightgown, the chunks of sleep struck in the corners of your eyes or something worse, given your eye infection. I asked him that you see past your moon face and pudgy belly.
I asked him that you know what makes the mirror
hallowed is that you see what God sees.
And what God loves.
Just unkempt holy honesty.
Perfection in the eyes of God, and I dare say perfection in the eyes of many of us here, not because of what you do, but because of who you are.
Lisa, I am so very grateful that you were lured down by Shamim’s missive:
‘you can also see from the ground. Don’t be afraid to come down for a bit’
I say this, because I humbly offer that it is much better to look up than to look down.
Look up, Lisa.
Please allow me to note a belief.
I believe your mom is one with God.
Look up, Lisa.
They know that you are experiencing a symphony of emotions: A sunrise-to-sunset orchestration of extremes — One score is brassy with exuberance, the next moans with sorrow. They know your life is interwoven in a tapestry of turmoil: A noisy pictorial in which the golden threads of triumph knot against the the black, frazzled strings of tragedy. They know that your previously serene world is now stormy — It is being assaulted by doubts and pummeled by demands.
They knew that in a matter of one sentence, your life would eventuate from a deliberate calm to delirious chaos, from peace to perplexity. They knew that your world would be blitzkrieged by demands and turned upside down.
Perfect Lisa, they do know the torrent, at this time, in your journey.
May I please respectfully ask you to let them be the calm in your storm? Please surrender (not to these things that make you feel somehow broken and unknown to yourself, but) to God, with whom your beautiful mom is now, one.
Please know that you are perfect.
Please know that this storm is temporary.
Please look up and find the “calm” in your storm.
Yes, I did indeed talk to God this morning about you, Lisa.
And, I asked him that your journey very soon (but in his time) become as glassy as a midnight lake on a windless night. No noise. No rushing. No crises. I asked him that your world soon feel like mine… no matter my own “friendly interlopers these past 26 years,” my world feels moonlit.
[…] The Tarantella I’ve been on the roof until now. ‘Monsieur Dunning est monte sur let toit est il refuse categoriquement de […] […]
Creo que debería usar una máscara cuando vaya a Argentina, para proteger a ella. y yo preocupe demasiado tambien.
Dearest Lisa,
God bless you and heal you. May God protect you and keep you from pain.
Your strength and courage are an inspiration to so many especially young women.
I have lost my dad to Cancer. However, I have also seen a close friend and some others recover 100% from Cancer.
I pray for you, I am inspired by you and at this point in awe of you.
I wish you the best always…..I will visit your site for the walk.
All the best,
Oh Didi, I want to cry for you. I have a lump in my throat, but I cant cry because my daughter will worry. I never pray. I will pray for you. Don’t become broken.
I am glad you came down from the roof Lisa! Thank you for sharing your fight with us through your blog. It is thought provoking and inspiring to read your words.
I will be with you and your team in spirit this Sunday for the MM walk. I donated of course. What time does the walk start on Sunday?
Whatever you need to do during this time Lisa you go and do, we are behind you and support you!
Much love and continued prayers from Texas.
Christina
Patricia: gracias por tu oferta de traducir el blog. El tema es que hay expresiones que a veces cuesta entender. Por eso, a pesar de que capté lo del viaje, podía ser una forma de decir que quería viajar a algún lado lejano antes del transplante. Pero si realmente viene a este lado del mundo…bueno…vámonos desmayando.
Te envío mi mail: ximeavila78@hotmail.com
Podemos, se me ocurre, armar una especie de club de fans aquí en esta zona, o por lo menos mantenernos en contacto para informarnos acerca de Lisa en todo lo que podamos.
Saludos y espero tu mail!!
Ximena
hola lisa!!!
saludos a todos los fans admiradores de lisa…mucha fuerza sos una gran mujer luchadora de la vida…
hay que ser positivo hay un monton de gente que te quiere y que estan con vos en estos momentos …diciendote que no bajes los brazos…yo sin conocerte me llegaste y mucho te admiro sos especial !!! y toda la suerte para con el tratameinto…cuando quieras seras vienvenida en argentina
saludos de argentina!!!
by=> naty fernandez
Hi Lisa,
Your blog has really touched my heart. I have lived with my father during his chemo treatments for his MM. He was diagnosed four years ago. But he is in his 70’s with other health issues so stem cell replacement was never an option for him. I am very lucky, as you are, to have family around for love and support. My parents are retired and spend 24/7 together. Watching them each deal with the side effects of chemo has been a struggle but he went into remission a year after initial treatments. He was protein free for almost two years. His counts went up this year and he had to do chemo again but it was his last chance. His body couldn’t take the buildup and he was having too many side effects to make taking it worth while anymore. He has stopped all treatment and now we hope and pray for the best. He is diabetic so steroids were not an option either. It’s kind of strange to say your lucky that you were diagnosed so young but you are. You have so many more options open to you. I hope you do whatever it takes to beat your cancer and I’m sure you will beat it. I believe my dad will be okay which means your going to be even better. You have so much life ahead of you and this is not going to stop you. Take each day as it comes and know that the next one will only get better because you will be there to see it.
Godspeed.
Sandy
Morning Habibiti Lisa,
I read again your blog last night when I am home and this time, I truly feel the emotional depths you must have felt when penning this blog – its no wonder you said it was a ‘difficult birth’.
I agree and I, with the many others, felt the ‘labour pains’ judging from the equally heart-warming comments full of love, courage, support for you.
I just want to add a few more thoughts (if I may). Firstly, Life is precious. We are given this life on earth to live once (I think) and no matter, who we are, whether we are celebrities, famous political personnel or just ordinary people, we go through the trials and tribulations of living on this planet to the best of our abilities and experiences them like everyone.
I quote:
ARTHUR RUBINSTEIN:
Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back.
To which I believe this is what happening right here at this community…because you Love Life – Life love you back,
Because you love us as well as many others, we love you back unconditionally without expectations or demands on you.
And another one more quote which I like very much:-
BERNICE JOHNSON REAGON:
Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.
I think everyone of us here have life’s challenges, some are like you, have gone through or are experiencing life-threatening diseases and by sharing about it, have perhaps felt a sense of relief to be able to talk openly about it rather than keeping it to themselves or worst still, wallowing in self-despair or pity.
You have given us an opportunity to vocalised it out, to know that we are not alone in this fight against all forms of life’s challenges.
I, myself have gone through several life’s challenges and yes, I would admit that there are times I feel like giving up but then, I am like you, a convert type A personality, who does not believe in just sitting still, with a gung-oh attitude and whatever challenges I go through, I shall overcome. It is not easy to do so, because life’s challenges can wear you down tremendously and you will feel that you would just want to crawl into a ‘hole’ and hide – like I have (in the past).
But I found that by doing so, it does not help me to find solutions to the problems I am facing…I have to face them head-on – no point in hiding from it. If there is no solution for the day, then so be it, a new day will begin tomorrow and I always says it is always a brighter day.
Sorry, Habititi, if I sound philosophical today, but I feel that I want to let you know, you are not Alone in this fight/ in this run against MMC. There are thousands of fans all over – standing by you (both in spirit and soul) to urge you on to the finishing line – to the FR club. Where some of us can be physically be there on Sunday 18 Oct at the MM5K Walk, I am sure you would be inundated and showered with lots of YELLOW love/hugs and give you their shoulders to lean on.
One of my childhood myths that was told to me – that every time there is a downpour and out come the sun, there is always a beautiful colourful rainbow and I was told that there is a ‘pot of gold’ at the end of a rainbow.
Obviously, I have not found that ‘pot of gold’ as I don’t know where is the beginning of the rainbow or where it ends…but now, my interpretation of this ‘pot of gold’ is this – its this:-
• the beautiful friendships built over the years;
• the rich experiences I have experienced
• family n friends bonding
• challenges of Life….and many more
Lastly, most importantly – family, friends, health, love, happiness are my ‘pot of gold’ at the end of every rainbow.
Thanks Habibiti, for your sharing your life’s challenges to us – remember, you are not alone…..don’t ever stop fighting, you can Rest, you can take a breather from your daily activities, you can also take a break from writing if you need to…we ain’t going anywhere.
BB, BG, BStrong, BSmiling Always
MF
You had me at Kielbasa!! 😉
I’ll bring Pierogi (both sauerkraut & potato) and Makowiec, make some tea and sit for a spell…
Hi Lisa!
I see that you’re getting comments from everywhere!
Whenever you’re bored, you could get a map and pin up every place we write you from!
When you get well, it’ll be nice to have!
Hope to be reading from you soon.
Thinking of you from Romania!
Roxi
Please Lisa
if you’re too tired to blog/twitter.
then, just stop.
have some real rest, do what you want, travel to where you love.
Don’t push yourself to hard.
Not everything is perfect or having the answer.
Not even with the type A hard work.
so jut enjoy every moment & have fun!!
take care& good luck with the MMwalk!
Irene
I hope you get better soon.
You are as talented as you are beautiful.
Write to me…
Reading your blog had such a profounding effect on me, I had a dream about my best friend last night. It felt so surreal, almost late work from oversleeping. She appear happy and at peace. I believe you will be overjoyed and victorous with your battle. it not your time yet . Take care of your unfinshed business, take your meds and spread your wings to fly delivering the messages and knowledge. Love from the heart,take care
Nothing is calculated…
Everything wounds…
Hi Lisa, I will pray for you…I promise it…god bless you…
Ross
Dear Lisa,
I rented Bollywood /Hollywood last night and of course, you’re lovely in every angle! 🙂
But I don’t know why I grinned to the ears when you whispered/said, “Don’t even think about it…” after he said, “Well, well I guess I’ll see you later?”
Your fan on screen and real life,
Iamne
Philippines
Dear Ms. Ray,
I can’t just get rid off you from my mind.
Thanks for your tweet this morning. You make my day.
Just remind you one thing, my lady .
You are super amazing.
This will never occur to you that you won’t get better.
So plz hang on there for a moment. Wait for a while.
You will be better soon.
Silence
PS. All of my love is with you. Pray very hard for you.
“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”
You will never give up, dear Lisa, we all know. We strongly believe in you and are with you wherever you are.
with love
Kati
Lisa,
Wow what a run of comments that you have going here –
Very impressive how many people you have reached and how many are just waiting to hear your next comments.
You are an inspiration to so many that there are no words to what you are bringing to people across the world!
The loss of a parent is so deep and yet we carry on their traits and their love within us. Your Mom is within you and always will be. As time goes by you will see and feel this more, of course that doesn’t mean we won’t stop missing them!
Good to hear you again -must confess I login once a day to see what you might be up to and that a positive light is upon you!
dear lisa baji
very true, moms r just great.i m missing my mom lotsss now :(,i m studying in lahore n as my dad is in the pakistan army hes posted somewhere else,
those leapards socks r shoo cute n beleve me sometimes i like to bit too 🙂
As for those changes u ve to go through during the transplant m sure ur gona find soo many positive factors in it.like wid the temporary hair loss u cn wear hair of ur own choice,choose different colours n styles right 🙂
u have such a beautiful soul mashallah n we all are with u .take gud care ov ur health.takcare :)bye bye
Dear Lisa:
Give you a big hug!
hey girl,miss u so, and ur blog…have fun and spectacular time in Argentina,hope to hear it soon…
moms,they are the best.i love my mom and i’m totally close to her than my pop…she’s my nurse when i get sick,i’m a sucker for a low immune system ever since i was a kid…and that u really inspires me with ur strength and courage, the way u carry urself…love ya girl…God Bless…oh, btw i’m looking forward ’bout ur book,hope hanan charmed u with her persistency and encouragement…
Lisa
This french morning is pale and still fresh, the blackbird sings and leafs dance on trees, and you put a light in my day with your little tweets, i’m so happy you had a great thanksgiving day, you know, we don’t celebrate it in France!
you make my day Miss Lisa!
Kisses from France
i just wanted to add 1 more thing,if u feel really tired u dnt ve to write to us.take some rest pleij,all i care ab is ur health,u can catch up with us sometime later
Bonjour Lisa
J’ai les larmes aux yeux à la lecture de votre Blog… j’ai le remède à tous vos maux, mais il faudra me faire confiance, il guérira votre âme, votre esprit et surtout votre coeur.
C’est un livre qui s’appelle “Holly Quran” ça vous aidera à vous sentir mieux, c’est le plus beau livre sur terre, puisque l’Auteur n’est autre que Dieu Lui Même.
Je vous prie de me faire confiance, vous êtes une femme très intelligente et une fois la lecture achevée, vous comprendrez pourquoi je vous ai demandé de me faire confiance…
Vous y trouverez toutes les réponses à bien des questions et surtout la réponse à la question “Why”
Please read this book, but just before, make the following pray with all the strength that you have “God guide me to the straight path” and start reading this book, and believe me your whole world will change.
Just Trust me… Take care
Hello from Africa
Whatever one says, seems so redundant and inane but you are in my prayers. Strength. Peace x
hi lisa, it’s Yu again 😀
that song will makes you relax and some groove hehe 😀
you know what lisa, you are loved by all over the world!
and we smile and cry as reading ur writing and acting and
everything. so, keep going lisa, just stand up!
sending my love and hugs and kiss from Korea.
take care. love you!
Yu
Lisa!!! May god bless you with even more strength and determination to conquer MM! I know you can do it, so just do it baby! Ha, easier said than done, right? But we’re all so proud of you for having come this far, you’re on your last cycle of treatment already! That’s wonderful and you should definitely get out those dancing shoes:) I know you can beat this Lisa.
I actually wanted to come down and see you at PMH sometime since I have frequented the place to do stuff at a reserach lab there. I’m actually in the field of cancer research, finishing up my masters. Cancer is an annoying disease, both at the physical/clinical level and molecular level (the level at which I work) because it’s a disgustingly gross yet interesting disease laden with complexity. It’s kind of like a code that we need to crack and we will do so one day! I intend on continuing with cancer research because I want to beat the shit out of this baby! lol. The cure will come and it would be awesome to be a part of that:) And it is people like you who inspire our research because you are the hope and miracles:)
Anyways, I wanted to thank you for keeping us updated. Take good care of yourself and keep smiling that beautiful smile of yours:) xoxoxo
….Be on the roof,
drinking some tea, tea-smoke comes out from the hot cups,
sitting with a soft blanket on your legs,
looking down at the big courtyard….and this what you see…
it is night but some people are still dancing,
and they see the sun… beautiful tarantella
Hope you like it.
Ciao Lisa,
I’m so glad u’re back, and writing… I’ve always suspected, watching some of your past interviews, that you were a great great great person. Now that I came across your blog I’m sure I was right.
From Italy, Milan, lots of love to u. Keep writing, ok?
Lisa you are as a patient, so feel blue sad or full of optimistic are part of your normal daily life. Because you are a human being! When I first got the new I was scared. It was you easy my concerns with your strength and courage. So I converted. Since that say I only believe in you, and I know it from my heart that you will be fine. I will never change again. So be there with your beautiful killer smile and your favorite sweet dessert… 🙂
You may get knocked down on the outside but the key for
living a victorious life is to learn how to get up inside and
becomes a better you!
Courage is not the absence of fear- it is the mastery of it.
You know you are getting over this pesky lil irritant and we all know it too….just grit your teeth and overcome it…..just as your Mom would have wanted you to…She lives on Lisa within you and through this intangible current of love,concern and strength on your blog,through all of us willing you to fight and WIN…and WINNING is a foregone conclusion here…C’Mon beat the shit outta that crappy lil thing…
Have patience love…this too shall pass…
A thousand kisses
Love you
Mukta
I loved what Kelly from Chicago wrote to you…
“Sometimes, breathing is all you can do… it’s all you should do. Just breathe, Lisa.
I will tell you that I’ve been going 12 rounds for 26 years. And, there have been and still are days when I don’t know if the greater of the two miracles is remaining or going “home.”
But, at the end of the day, if I still have a pulse, I breathe, and I smile in gratitude, as I realize it is not up to me. And, somehow I am renewed. If I am to be here, then I am going to be all that I can be, at every given moment.”
Thanks Kelly from all of us…you are an inspiration….both of you are beating this one…
Dear Lisa,
It’s probably going to be difficult to say something that you haven’t already heard a million times over by now. I had vaguely heard about your blog once, but only just about got down to reading through and of course, I am for one, amazed with the voice that speaks through your writing.. being a writer myself, I know how much a voice can do to share the emotion that the writer is going through….
For the longest time, cancer has instilled so much fear, but just reading your blog has brought a certain humanness to it. I’ve seen my grandmother go through some terrible times with breast cancer and to you Lisa Ray, I want to say, Thank you, for finding poetry in your darkest hours and for finding the light within yourself though it all….. you are a sunflower, bright and yellow 🙂
Inch by inch
Little snail
Creep up and up Mt. Fuji
– Kobayashi Issa
Hi
I’m here to say hello to u my darling sister.
I swear that u can effect my mood.
Just take a look at our comments ,and u know thousands of people are caring u without any requirement for u .
So ,pls be at ease ,our love from the bottom of the heart is surrounding u.
U can tell us everything if u want to share with people ,or u want a listener or support from both material and spiritual aspects!
Just calm down and trust us from ur heart.
To all Fellow Yellow Diarists!
http://www.ezrock.com/shows/766447
Wednesday, October 14th
•We speak to Canadian actress Lisa Ray at 8:05, who just prior to this years Film Festival was diagnosed with Cancer. But she’s determined to beat this terrible decease. So we’ll speak to her about this weekend’s “5K Your Way to Conquer Cancer”.
Tune in as Lisa asked, live or later!
Kati
Hello,Lisa.
Your recent blog has broken my heart.
Anyone would become pessimistic when they are in poor health. You don’t have to whistle in the dark, and your blog can be a good outlet for your distress, I guess.
But, it shouldn’t be a burden for you. So, please post only when you feel like writing something.
You describe that your mother was like a lioness.
If so, as her daughter you must have inherited a strong heart from her.
I really believe that your mother will guide you through this so that you can survive the coming tough medical treatment and achieve full remmission.
I recently bought a book titled ” Your Cancer Could Go Away with this Diet.”
The title sounds fishy, but I could’t resist buying it.
If I summarize this book in a word, it is more about the immune-boosting diet than canser disappearance.
The key points are low-sodium meals, no meat and high vegetable intake( i.e. to drink a liter of fresh vegetable juice everyday). The book explains more in detail, and it advises that alcohol shouldn’t be consumed for 6 months to one year since it slows down detoxification and metabolism. At least I can say that taking a medicine with wine is nothing but harmful; this is a bad combination, so please don’t try.
Lisa, we all wish you a full recovery. To tell the truth, I don’t really care about the diet therapy I mentioned; actually, the degree of effectiveness is still unknown.
I just hope you get well.
I send you my best wishes for a complete remmission from Japan, far away from your place.
Lisa Ray,
Its quite obvious here that people across the world love you. Mine just got multiplied by a hundred times after reading your post. I never knew you had a blog and after coming to know of your ill-health, I searched. I searched for you, for your words…
I found not just your inspirational writing (your back up plan is already in place after all!), but also the encouraging words of your ‘fans’. I wish I could use a more meaningful, deeper, nicer word than ‘fans’. Because we aren’t just your regular fans. We love you and we want to connect to you. We want you to hear us out and be encouraged. We want you to know that we are all praying for you. You won’t believe this, but every night before I fall asleep I think of you and hope that you’ll come back to us… it’s some sort a of strange connection that transcends distance and age. It’s something to do with humanity, a world where people really care for each other…
Lisa, I came here to say something that would make you feel nice, and instead YOUR words have done that to me. I have been re-born on your page. I can see new light on your face. Your words are your face and you look sooo beautiful. I want to see that face for ever… I want to see that smile back (just like the breath-taking ones you displayed through your wonderful characters).
I don’t know if you would have the patience and time to read through the hundreds of well-wishing comments that you have received (and I have no doubt hundreds more are on their way), but I sincerely, from the deepest bottoms of my heart, hope that you will come back. You’ll live with us, you’ll live for us… our countless hearts beat, United, for you. You’ll fight and you’ll win. We’ll fight and we’ll win. Together. Countless hearts..
All the best, Lisa. Also, I want to Thank You for giving birth to a new ME with the help of your words…
Like you’ve said yourself, “Never Stop Fighting!!”.
And I want to say, “Don’t Stop Writing”.
Love from Hyderabad, India,
Rajasekhar.
thanks fellow yellow kati i’m going to put this up on my twitter page
MY DEAR ANGELLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have read your literature.I understood a large part:-(
recently:I had a few comments.I dont know.Dıd you read?But What a coincidence,my writings were about
longing to die,broken hearts and ‘wishes’.I feel your feelings.You prove it with your written
sometimes I want my daughter to remain in the grandmother.But, she doesnt want.She says:
‘No! I feel safe with you.If something happens bad,only you can protect me ‘
Is this true?
No!In father protects.Of course there is a difference between.Its important to show you love to love not!!Everyone may like.
You’re not the love of your search.You touch your search.no one like your mother can not touch!anyone else As the world’s most beautiful smell of sweat does not smell.
your sweat will smell roses for the mother was.Isnt it?I know I understand you my dear angel:-(
I like to touch people with compassion gives me great pleasure.I want to say so many things but, I do not have any value for you.This is true, unfortunately.
If your mother had with you now.What would be the mother’s feelings Have you ever thought?
I know very well what his mother would feel.It would be worse than death for your mother.your mother when patients.How do I leave my daughter was saying:-( What does my daughter without me?
I know it very well.I had the same feelings when I entered surgery.Your mother’s power is currently more now.
spiritual power that can help you more.I think you should be good.because your mother left you as healthy as she does not see unhealthy.If a mother see unhappies in her child’eyes.This is most paintfull thing for all mothers.
What should I say that.something does not come from my hands.
I want to give you all my patience!
I want to give you all my power endurance!
people who hold your hand,get your mother’s hands, such as.
If they smell you one.you smell like your mother get
I volunteer mother at the orphanage since 3 years.many children with all my heart I kissed.I swear,When the patient looked like mothers to babies.but very difficult and I had mixed feelings.
I do not want to revolt for,I would occasionally go there.not tears of blood came from my eyes.Some little one’s miss me and they call me.I m going immediatly.My husban and daughters were accustomed to this situation.Sometimes my daughter comes with me:-)
My feelings did not like children.It was very big problem forr my mother.she took me to a psychologist.psychologists put adolescent mental diagnosis.always able to set up a lot of empathy.This may sound strange and ridiculous but This may sound strange and ridiculous but totally real.same thing the past great doughter.
For your hair:
I do not know what can I say.Your feelings will not change any words and nonsense income.I’ve fried.seemed absurd to me all the comforting.I understand you very well.Although a temporary situation very difficult.especially like you for a beautiful actress.
When I work in a pharmaceutical company.Children with leukemia, I was going to the foundation.I felt bad and I’ve cut my hair.I never forget.I had a discussion with my huband.My husband hates short hair.but now he has very large financial support for children with leukemia:-)In that time he had got much hair.but now he hasnt got any hair.The history consists of repeated.
meantime at the bottom of every joke lies a serious!!!many real emotions are hidden inside jokeSometimes small details gives birth to great things.I feel it is a secret inside jokes I do not like!I understand you very well There are angels and the devil inside all of us.the one you’re listening to a very important.you should try to silence voices in bad
my daughter is asking me:’are you happy?’
I m saying ‘yes’.She doesnt believe to me.I have a problem with my sister.My doughter is thinking this problem.But It s not true.I m thinking you.When you feel nice I will be nice.I cant smile.I dont want to go anywhere.
my country my big chance to take your film.I watched many movies.but I did not wonder any actress.Is it a strange coincidence my daughter looks like you?a fire is burning and my heart dropped.I wish I could touch my daughter like I could touch you.I wish I could smell my doughter like I could smell you.
araI know I sound like nonsense and moron:-(What can I do this comes from my hand.
I would sit at the beginning of the computer and I m writing.no sense.I sound like an idiot talking just too far away:-(
I LOVE YOU MY ANGEL!!!
LISA=DOGA
Dear Lisa,
thank you for sharing your thoughts, your doubts, your laughter and your tears with us!
I cannot tell you how much I wish you well! And I believe that you WILL conquer this fucking cancer! Please don’t stay there – down in the dumps – come out again and keep on fighting! You will make it, wou Will Win!!!!!!Damn!!
Never stop fighting, Lisa…. (I know I am repeating this…)
Though you don’t know us personally…please know, that we are all here, thinking of you, praying for you and supporting you!
We all love you from the bottom of our hearts….
Much love from Germany,
Helena
interview is on ..goodmorning lis
Lisa
It’s awesome, i’m on your blog and i can listen you on EZrock! Thanks for the link!
Take care
Sylvie
mukta, I am humbled and grateful for your esteem.
May I please offer that I have long felt that to be inspiring, one needs to have been inspired –
Sometimes, inspiration comes from without (our self). Sometimes, it comes from within.
I do so evidently believe each of us here (sharing our love and support for Lisa) is as inspiring as we are inspired.
I will respectfully add that it seems to me that people ultimately change for one of two reasons: either desperation or inspiration.
But, no matter the torpidity or revolutionary cause for change and whether that compels a macro or micro/individual transformation, I have learned that it is our own perceptions of the effects of change that will grow us or stunt us.
I have also come to believe that all things in life may be perceived as neutral events. It is our assignment of affect (positive/negative, good/bad, etc.) that makes all the difference for us.
It is true that it is not always easy to perceive the flows in the ebbs of life. But, I have blessedly discovered that all that really needs to be done to perceive any effect (that touches our life) as an addition to our life (as opposed to a subtraction) is to open myself up to my own “yellow” or the spirit within, who, for me is God, or open my eyes and ears to what is without — all that he has created — you, Lisa, all of us…nature…everything…
…and become inspired.
A note to Lisa:
Please realize the great good change that you are inspiring. Thank you.
While I do not like to speak for others, might I respectfully submit that I believe that all of us here hope you feel likewise inspired.
We’re giving all of our positive energy and love and support to you as well as our compassionate understanding and ardently prayed petitions. We ask you to continue to believe in your wellness, as we believe in it and you.
I may not have enough time to evening to send message so now I am writing.
always the same thing I do for my daughter.I smell of my doughters hair,
I then look into the eyes of my daughter
After I kiss my doughters s eyes.I say:good night my angels.I LOVE YOU:Allah gave you to me.I do not want anything else.(I’m sure your mother was in the same case).I cover bedclothes over daughters.(I dont cover you because you sweat in this time)I say:
have a sweet dream!I know what you want to see in your dream.I hope you can see everynight.
LISA=DOGA
Great interview! Although, I thought more time could’ve been allocated to discuss the topic.. That’s just me though.. We seem to spend so much time listening to irrelevant info such as commercials, etc., and when it comes to important topics, there just does seem to be enough time.
I thought you did great, and your voice sounded very soothing over the radio, perhaps you should consider starting your own show, I mean it, this could be something for you to think about… Especially since I know you’re not too crazy about the camera.. Well, except for making movies and playing “other” characters…
Hope you are having a good morning, happy to hear you went for a warm up walk yesterday.. I’ve come down with a cold which makes training a bit tough but I’m not giving up…
So here are a set of virtual hugs to you.. Have a great morning 🙂
Yiippiieeeeeeeeeeee,
More from “The Mellow Diaries”
I luh-uvvv the fact that… a word … I thought was just a figment of my imagination, is now part of Lisa’s own vocabulary on Twitter!! 🙂 🙂
Thanks LR, it means a lot!
This one’s for the “Yellolution” you never knew you’d started!! 🙂
Me.
Hi Lisa,
So glad to hear from you after so long….like so many others, I check your site everyday and when you hadnt written for so long missed you and was worried….but you’re back!
Having several close family members that have been through or are currently battling with cancer, I have seen all the ups and downs, and I cried last night after I read your blog, because I could feel the ‘down’………and I can’t understand how it feels to lose my mother, but I know you wish she was with you by your side more than ever right now…..and maybe not physically but she is with you. I truly believe that our loved ones watch over us, and are our guiding angels.
I’m not sure of your faith, but whatever it is, we have meditation on Monday evenings at Vishnu Temple (Yonge/HWY 7), and the feeling and energy in the Temple is so amazing and Monday is dedicated to ‘Durga Maa’ and her statue is so beautiful and when you go into that meditation you just feel her presence and feel that God is with you…..it doesn’t matter what religion you follow or don’t follow, or whatever your faith, I just wanted to suggest that maybe coming for meditation one night will give you some peace and uplift you….and make you feel close to a ‘mother’ of sorts.
I just want you to be happy and find your bright spirit again….I know I have no clue how hard this is all for you, but I think of you as my friend now, a close friend, because you have shared your soul with all of us, and we’re all sending you so much positive energy to get better, we need you to heal, and please dont give up hope, because you will!
I hope you have a fabulous time in Argentina after the chemo is done, just two more days……..
You are a true fighter and incredible role model to so many of us!
I am writing this with tears in my eyes because you have inspired me so much and I hope you never lose that beauty of inspiration you’re able to give to so many others.
With love,
Meera
Thanks – I am happy to provide bone marrow/stem cell if/as required, my email is
sorry
‘the news”
DEAR MY ANGELLL!!!!!
^^SOMETIMES, I WANT TO PUT MY HANDS DOWN ON THE GROUND AND STOP THE WORLD AND TIME, SO THE ONES I LOVE REMAİN WİTH ME…..^^
Dear Lisa,
….came from a good, good Mediterranean dinner with a beloved. Okay, we had humus & nan-e-taftoon, chelo kebab with tomato/raisin rice and lots of catching up with you as the highlight. Yeah, I introduced you! Equally smitten! Your movies, blog, etc.etc. are coming her way…
Smitten Forever,
Iamne
PHILIPPINES
Lisa,
Apart from the rest of the message which seemed like either the medication is having/not having its effects…the last part seemed to take a different direction all together.
If you do need a little strength & reassurance similar to what only a mother can provide read/watch the story of Morris E Goodman known as the “Miracle Man” ….
Morris an avid flyer one day crash landed hi bi-plane and was paralyzed for life….. this means he could not breathe & had to be put on a respirator.. could not swallow…infact all he could ever do was just blink his eyelids and the Docs said that this was going to be his life . But he did not bleieve in the picture of what the docs saw for him…. he only blindly believed in the picture he saw of himself and that was to live a life of a normal person back again.Further he was not someone to give up. He made a resolution that by next christmas (March was when he met with his accident) he would be able to walk out of the hospital with his own 2 feet. The y said it could not be done. He just kept listenening to the little voice inside all our heads…call intuition and he forced himself to breathe deep. Soon he was of the respirator. and by Christmas he was able to walk out of the hospital.
he sums it up as “Man becomes what he believes”
so Lisa as i said before your going to live to see your 100th B’day and you will take me out for dinner and as a person who is hale & hearty again, back a 100% into normalcy. Anyone who says anything to the contrary be damned .
Take care,
You got the whole world behind you and all of us trying to only substitute for what your mother was and something which nothing in the world can replace
Uday
You’re tired but you haven’t given up. There are too many stories to be told for you not to act again. You have worked with wonderful directors, writers and actors not to perform your craft. You have a wonderful gift and there are many stories yet to be told for you not to act again. The journey continues and your voice will be heard by millions. You’re tired but you haven’t given up. As for children, there are millions of children in this world that just want to be loved and if it’s part of your journey it will happen for you. You have a gentle spirit and passion for life any child would be blessed to have you as a mother. You’re tired but you haven’t given up. I can’t imagine what you are going thru without your mother, but know she is always with you, giving you the strength and courage to beat this. The strong foundation of love she gave you is with you now and forever. You’re tired but you haven’t given up. I’m sending you positive energy and good thoughts and you complete your treatment. You are on the road to “Full Remission” and will never give up. There will be a cure in the near future. Take care and good luck on the 5K walk. As I’ve said before you are a “Phenomenal Woman”.
Hey Naty !! Otra fan de Argentina!! Espero que lo del viaje no sea en sentido figurado. Más vale que la recepción será espectacular!!!
No sé dónde vivís, pero yo estoy por Rosario.
Ojalá podamos armar un grupo con otros chicos del sur de América para mantenernos en contacto y pasarnos más información sobre Lisa.
Supongo que la estamos desconcertando un poco hablándonos en español, pero más arriba ya hicimos contacto un grupito…
Un saludo y espero que leas esto.
Lisa
The night falls here, and it’s always a fresh day, an autumn day, i ‘m happy to saw your tweets and to know you have thrue friends like Shamim and Hanan,because it’s always in the difficulte you know your friends “A friend in need is a friend indeed” . Anywhere, anytime, there is always someone who think of you Lisa.
Kisses from France
Here’s Lisa Ray on radio interview – 97.3 EZRock the morning show – watch out, shes after your stem cells! ha 🙂
love it.
Bonsoir Lisa.
Je vous remercie de nous dire tout ce que vous ressentez sans nous ménager. C’est le but du blog, se livrer pour mieux se délivrer.
J’aurais voulu être là le 18 Octobre pour soutenir votre action à Toronto, mais le Canada est un peu loin de la France, quoique…
Bonne soirée.
And never stop fighting!
Good evening Lisa!
Thanks for saying us how you feel, really feel, with your strong and beautiful words.
I’d have wanted to be there on Octobre 18th to support your action in Toronto, but Canada is a little bit far from France, although…
Good evening.
And never stop fighting!
Sylvie
Nice to meet another french Sylvie on Lisa’s blog!
A FEW More Days People and After the MM5k I will return to my usual content on my website.
Although Lisa has reached her donation goal, Let’s Help Lisa Surpass her Goal by Raising $20,000.00 Before October 18th 2009
Almost at $20K for MM and Lisa Ray!
We only need $2,718.67 to reach $20,000.00
You CAN Do It!!!
Sponsor Lisa Ray in the MM5k Walk
And enjoy cool music Videos featuring Lisa Ray and my amazing artwork created in honor of Lisa.
hola Ximena como andas? …me encantaria !!!ahora toy en resistencia porque estudio ahy …te dejo mi mail; es natyfer_281@hotmail.com estamos en contacto por lisa!!!!
saludos de argetnina
by naty fernandez
Yes, 2 Sylvie from France;-)
We are there to give strength to Lisa!
Yep, sure Strength and courage!
Dear Lisa,
Sylvie has right “Anywhere, anytime, there is always someone who think of you Lisa.”
You are my first and last thought every day. It’s a fact.
We are from all parts of the world, we are all connected with You and with each other through You.
You’ve created a complete supporting, encouraging love circle around the globe.
It is undeniable.
Maybe you’ve never thought how many people would think of you as their close friend with opening your heart and allowing us in your inner world.
You became a very real person for us and will be our friend forever.
with hugs
Kati
Love and Prayers
Hina
A mother’s love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever.
hola xime ,ya te envie un email…estamos en contacto
Est-ce vous savez qu’en français roof (toit) et you (toi) se prononce de la même façon… c’est bien ,d’être installé sur son toi…parfois…
la transcendance des mots ou des maux…
I send you yellow deep of the eyes of my cat (she is a girl cat)
today she was fallen by a bee. she is inflated and frankly…she has a funny head. my cat is a cat philosophe when she does not sleep.
I asked her,” what do you think about the sense of the life?” She answered me ” you are so stupid sometimes but I love you all the same.
ask you you for which is the sense of the life when your daughter falls asleep closed your heart, when you laugh with your best friends during a good dinner, when having made love with your guy, you smile in his heat, after working day, when you smoke under the moon… not, in these moments there, you don’t care about the sense of the life, you are just the actress of your life… you think of “genre de truc” when you feel bad…
takes back the mastery of your life, embodies there, does not think, does not intellectualize everything … sois”
I say to her: ” that then, a cat which tries eat bees gives me lessons!!! She answers me “nobody’s perfect” and leaves to sleep …
I wish you to hold the course… to make angry you, to revolt you, to roar
its holiness the Dalai Lama, says that we should not feel this kind of emotion ,certainly, but he fly high, us, the other human beings to transcend our pains we have to can express them with feelings …
You like the wine, it is a good idea!!!! In the secret of its manufacturing, before becoming wine, he spends by complicated phases ….the grape became rotten, it emanates from all this of the smells dreadful of suffer… from poison, mortal gases (carbon monoxide) and then, a day, it makes sacred, metamorphoses, wakes up, stretches and appears at us ….finished wine, it born, unknown, new surprising, delicate or strong but the alchimie took place in the bubbling of the life of the one who escapes us always a little.
le temps n’existe pas
prenez soin de vous
a bientôt
Just breathe…
You sound like you’ve been going through it since your last blog and my heart goes out to you. I can’t wrap my head around what you’re dealing with. Until a month ago I’d never heard of you, and now I’m completely in ore of an incredibly strong woman with a powerful spirit and passion for life I’ve never known.
My introduction was through “I can’t think straight”, recommended to me by a friend. Loved the film, very British humour, well written/acted and fantastic chemistry between yourself and Sheetal. Being the film nerd I am, I then start googling for any other films related to you two and I come across “The World Unseen”. Could it be? ANOTHER well written/directed film with my two new favourite co-stars. Nah, I’m not that lucky! So I do more googling about the films, the author, who happens to be a fellow Brit, and married to the producer, both close friends of Lisa Ray and looking forward to making many more films together… and then I come across a headline… “I’ll beat cancer – Lisa Ray”
I stop and read it again. Nope, didn’t change. I take a breath and start to read the article. I’m feeling a lot all at once. Disbelief, sadness, fear, anger, joy, hope, happiness, compassion and incredibly protective. Let me just say… I have issues lol. I’ve hated/dreaded cancer most of my life since I lost my granddad at age 9 to lunch cancer. I’ve avoided all contact with the “C” word, a complete ostrich. Now, at 32, I’m reading about a woman I’ve never met, whom I’ve only known of a short time and all I want to do if fly to Canada and give you a massive hug! I find your blog and start to read the yellow diaries. The more I read the more inspired I feel. Your unrelenting positive attitude and openness are infectious; along with the very dry sense of humour and sarcasm (I’m making you an honorary Brit). My god girl, you can write! Take it from a dyslexic whose read more in the last few weeks than in the last few years. I hope Hanan keeps “kicking your arse” to write a book, consider this your first order. Oh yes, I’ve been reading Shamim’s blog too, another gifted writer. Just ordered “Despite the Falling Snow”, which will be my first attempt at reading a novel for… erm… a bloody long time! I digress…
I felt moved to write this because in your last blog you sounded a little lost and I wanted to share with you the inspiration and life affirming attitude you’ve shown so many through your journey so far.
Just trying to reflect a Ray of light back to you.
You did manage to make me cry when you said you missed your mum. My Dad died 1 year ago yesterday and I miss him terribly. When I remember him I always think of him smiling, the biggest smile in the world just for me. It helps. Your mum sounds very like mine… and as my mum always says… just breathe… no matter what happens, no matter how low you feel or what life throws at you, just breathe. Back to basics. “Breathing” – the fundamental of life
I’m a firm believer that fate only throws at you what you can handle. The myeloma doesn’t stand a chance!
Thank you again for sharing your journey with the world, have a great day on the 18th, I’ll be thinking of you (fantastic job, raising 17k and climbing, your mum would be proud)
Looking forward to the next blog, been following you on twitter (not stalking you, honest) lovely to hear Shamim and Hanan are coming to visit. Stem cells anyone?
Sending you love and strength from across the pond
Gem x
Lisa your latest diary really hits home. I, too, have MM and am going through the same treatments at PMH. You are one week ahead of me. My last chemo treatment is on Oct. 23. I’m looking forward the the end of the treatments and perhaps coming off of Dex. I’m worried about the harvest and I’m even more scared about the transplant. I know I have to follow through and I am convinced that once this is over my body will be strong and cancer free. I won’t let myself believe anything else, but there is always the worry. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is facing the fear and continuing to live even though you may be terrified. You have courage and strength – I can feel it. Thanks.
Habibti,
I give you this music (Ricky Martin):
Title: “Thank you for thinking about me”
The most important words are (approximately):
“When everything is lost,
always is there the exit.
When everything is lost,
always is there a brilliant light…”
It is in spanish, but you’ll understand!!!
You are a sun. You are a light. You are a warrior!!!
Best wishes from Argentina,
Ximena.
FFF!!!!
P.D.: We love you here!!!! Come to Argentina when you want, when you can!!! I’ll waiting to know you for my entire life… Will be a pleasure!!
Deb,
Thank you for your testimony.
Fight and fight every day!!
Best wishes,
Ximena.
Yes, yes,yes…
“I’ll waiting to meet you for my entire life… Will be a pleasure!!
Ok.
PERDÓN. PERDÓN.
Dep,
fighting ya ……wish you get well soon too
Reading you leaves me with the impression that you are running a reasonableness test on your current emotions. Your words left my sleepless.
Uncertainty. Fear. Sorrow. Grief. Loneliness.
Why compare your current emotions to “expected” ones? Are you certain that is even possible? Expectations are based on previous experiences, aren’t they?
Night sweats – Infections –Chemo – Lack of energy –Lack of concentration – Huge belly.
Are you taking them into account when deciding on what’s expected of you?
Point being; let yourself go through the motions. There are no precedents for you; hence all those expectations are somewhat bogus. I’d throw them away.
Cry. Fear. Sleep. Eat. Laugh. Dream. LOVE.
Dance the yellow dance with the MM.
Act like a six year old.
Go to Argentina.
Visit la Boca.
Walk down the Caminito.
Dance the Tango.
BITE EVERYONE! haha (Ok maybe biting is somewhat violent and people might not like you leaving bite marks)
It’s OK!
Monte sur le toit quand tu veus t’echapper de ce monde qui semble te trahir. Sache seulement qu’il faut descendre de temps en temps et que tout est temporaire.
There’s no doubt about it. All of “IT” is temporary.
Sweat and convulse. It’s the sound of your body healing.
The FULL REMISION FIESTA is awaiting your arrival.
Oh! Madame, it promises to be the party of a lifetime. NOT TO BE MISSED!
Powodzenia.
Ciao Bella.
Le mando mis mejoress deseos desde mi munditoo!! Supongo q la fe es lo últimoque se pierde.
Siga palanTe como elefante.
Although Lisa has reached her donation goal, Let’s Help Lisa Surpass her Goal by Raising $20,000.00 Before October 18th 2009
Almost at $20K for MM and Lisa Ray!
We only need $2,368.67 to reach $20,000.00
We CAN Do It!!!
Sponsor Lisa Ray in the MM5k Walk and visit:
http://sapphisdezire.t35.com/
For Music Videos with Lisa and Original Art in honor of Lisa.
Deb,
You, too, have courage and strength as well as my prayers and hopes that you remain steadfast in your belief for complete wellness.
Hi Lisa,
Heard the phrase ‘you can run but u cant hide” 🙂 It can be used in various contexts and each time it has its own meaning. But today I want to share with you one specific context.
God ! Who is He ? Do you really know Him ? And understand that He knows every cell in your body ? Do we presume to say we are right with God and go about doing what we want ? Or are we right with God .
Hmmm.. lemme try and explain… Simple terms… God is Holy… And He is father ? Right ? great ! then we as His children need to sport His characteristics…
Our thinking … our desires… our actions… they ought to be pure in His sight . Now here is the best part. We cant do anything on our own strength . There is nothing that we can do by ourselves that can make us pure or can cleanse us from our sin.
But only one person can.. And thats God. Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins… He paid the price for our sins that we may be saved. Isnt that amazing. Just imagine…the King of kings and the Lord of lords chose to come down and pay the price for our sins. And in Him we are set free. Its by His grace that we are saved.
Just think about it … all it takes is a heart to say ‘Lord Here I am… Lord I believe”… thats it. All He looks for is a heart that is willing and He will work in you. There is nothing that we can do in our own strength to get us there. It is His grace that is all sufficient .
Jesus Loves You. He paid the price for all our sins. And all it takes is a heart that is willing to know Him.
God Bless
http://sparksablaze.blogspot.com
Dear Ms. Lisa Ray,
It was by an accident that I stumbled across your blog and let me tell you, for the past two weeks there was not a single day that I do not read a post from this blog before going to bed. It is, I should say a motivating, moving and an intriguing journey with you! I do not know if you read this, but if you do, I wanted you to know that my prayers are with you. As they say “If fate meant you to lose, then give a good fight anyhow,” and this is because you are a source of inspiration for many like me. All I can do is pray for your recovery and if that is not possible, for a painless battle. Thoughts are gushing through my mind like water in the Ganges, but unfortunately I am unable to pen them down. All I can say is Thank you for being a warrior, thank you for showing the light and thank you for smiling even tough the times demand your tears. You have become my Randy Pausch… Please keep that in mind whenever you feel depressed…
– Ananta
Dear Lisa,
hi, sleep well today ? i hope so ya , ermmm…..because of your low immunity , remember wear a mask when you go to Argentina ya, oh ya , and dun forget wash your hands b4 eat……..ok. well , drink more water , take a good rest , wish you all the best on Sunday. we all with you dear , best wishes.
felyse from far far away
Praise the Lord !
Hi Lisa… Here is your passage for the day
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well”
Psalm 139 : 14 (New King James Version)
This morning as I looked all sleepy at the mirror and brushed my teeth, the Lord led me to take a closer look at my teeth. And I went wow ! Just look at all the time and planning that has gone into designing our teeth. I mean just think about it for one second …the molars , the premolars, the canine… Teeth in front that look good.. teeth in the back that are great for grinding our food… Wow ! Just look at the time that has gone into that . And the beauty is each one of us is made so uniquely. My front two teeth are nice and big so was nicknamed bugs bunny as a kid… But hey I’m perfect in God’s sight Praise the Lord !
Everything about us is just so uniquely made… our hair , our height , our fingers…. Wow !! Praise the Lord for everything . The last part of the verse says “And that my soul knows very well” . Do you know that ?
Do we praise and thank God for everything that we are ?
Verse 17-18 say “How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake I am still with You”
Wow ! Our Holy Father… He loves us beyond what we could ever comprehend and His thoughts of us are more than our mind could ever understand and are innumerable. Wow !
Do we realize how special we are in God’s eyes ?
Some of us are so caught up proving who we are to the world in terms of worldly standards that we have forgotten who we are in God’s eyes and what His plans are for us.
Marvelous are His works. I pray that we will give Him all the glory and walk in accordance with His will and that we will praise Him for we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
God Bless
http://sparksablaze.blogspot.com
Thanks for your wonderful comment.
You’ve said what I want to.
Yes Lisa, This period is all about you.Spoiled or obnoxious.or .whatever ,,,,It’s ok.
We Love You.And We are here for you.
Dear Ms. Ray
Wish you have a nice day.
Everything will be alright soon.
Just think about being well.
Everything will be ok.
You are always in my prayers.
Big Hugs and Kisses,
Silence
PS So you are happy that Shamim and Hanan are coming ????
Was waiting for your next post from you…. The precious gift given by god to us is our mom.. I realised this when i went to one orphanage with my friends for servicing… Your blog remembered me that day which i spent in the orphanage. All those children especially girl children at the age of 12-15 didn’t even know how to dress properly.. Really mother is our real gift from GOD!!!
Your blog brought tears to my eyes!!
God bless you dear!!
I am great fan of Sheetal Sheth too.. i received a message from her website about your fund raising goal.. Thanks to her…
Please try to post atleast by once in a week
Waiting for your next post
Take care!!
Sitting here in my office, reading your blog and crying, shamelessly! I dont even know you but feel like I do. When you get better (which you will) forget about acting–you are an amazing writer!
Dear Lisa,
I saw you on the screen tonight–you were utterly enchanting. You looked familiar but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Get home after seeing “I Can’t Think Straight” and google you and realize it was the amazing film “Water” that I first saw you.
And now I learn of your fight, a fight I fought three years ago, albeit with breast cancer. I can fully relate to the impatient patient frustrated to lie in bed with no energy to do mundane things that don’t seem so mundane anymore. I can fully relate to being so fatigued that at one point I held food in my mouth because I didn’t have enough strength to chew or swallow.
Believe that you will win this battle and that after your last chemo you will regain your strength. The stem cell transplant sounds like a big mountain to tackle but I know that you are very strong–I can sense it in your roles.
After my treatment ended I have found that I don’t want to waste time—I don’t take life for granted like I perhaps did before cancer. That has actually been a good thing. I guess it made me grow up. 44 is a bit young to get cancer, 37 is even younger.
You hang in there, girl. You fight this, win it, and get back on screen–we need to see you there again. You hear?
Love
Sudi
Albuquerque New Mexico
Hi Lisa,
Just wanted to say, You write so beautifully of things so close, and demons so loose.
Sending u love.
For if anything can heal, love is the only way.
Wishing for healing to grab you by the depths and length of you and walk you into light.
Truly
Anna
I can almost see it, that dream i’m dreamin but, there’s a voice inside my head sayin, you’ll never reach it. every step im takin every move i make feels lost with no direction, my faith is shakin, but i, i gotta keep tryin i gotta keep my head held high
there’s always gonna be another mountain im always gonna wanna make it move always gonna be an uphill battle and sometimes im gonna have to lose it aint about how fast i get there aint about whats waitin on the other side its the climb
the struggles im facing the chances im taking sometimes might knock me down but no im not breaking i may not know it but these are the moments that im gonna remember most yeah just gotta keep goin and i i got be strong gotta keep on pushin on cuz
theres always gonna be another mountain im always gonna wanna make it move always gonna be an uphill battle sometimes im gonna have to lose aint about how fast i get there aint about whats waitin on the other side its the climb x2
keep on movin keep climbin keep the faith babe its all about its all about the climb keep the faith keep your faith
Whoa oh oh oh
Hi Lisa,
It´s good to know that you have passed thru the normal process of denial stage and now welcoming a new process to undergo acceptance stage. Succumbing to your fears and letting them go will make you more tranquil. I hope that you do experience that now. Would appear that will be the best scheme to fight. See, you are not left with no strategy at all. You just have to trust that God exists and can do a miracle. There maybe unplesant effects of SCT but the most important thing now is prolonging a life that has been bequeathed to you, rather, make impossible things possible. Do not forego your will and courage to live. Only God knows when it is over.
You are a sweetheart. No matter how you may look like, you will still have that indescribable innate beauty. You may not be blessed with a family of your own, but you have a lot of good people around you who could treat you more than a family. Consider yourself lucky and blessed with this Cancer, as you may say abounding love and support are present not everyone can have. But at least, a sentimental moment of this can shape a whole character of who you really are and do what you must do that never you have done before . You have excelled in projecting an undistorted image by unraveling your true feelings during your personal journey. We all appreciate that. Who suspects your motives? Nobody. We understand how you are going through and we are really selfless if possible to carry those unpleasant loads and free you from suffering.
Your mother is watching over you, physically has left you but she is there with you.
My love and all support for you!
Marijoe
Madrid, Spain
MY DEAR ANGEL!!!!!!!!!
Last night,I didnt feelany better.I was very afraid.I want to cry and the tears fo-lowed self.My heart didnt fit my chest.My heart was very fast as scared and excited.(Its valid for now)
You are very afraid.You get very excited.Always want to cry even the most beatiful moment.I know Its very difficult times for you:-( I understand your concern and fear.But you believe, your pain will relief at soooon! You will forget all your sadness and fear.
I had read a book a year ago.Name of the book s ^^HIDDEN MESSAGE OF WATER^^.Japanese researcher s have written this book.(Masaru Emoto)
He found of water molecules are affected by spoken words of our thoughts,our feelings.In each case,he was taking pictures of water crystals and he saw all of them are diffrent from each others.
Abig part of us and the world is composing from water.Therefore,the water s message is very important for individual s health and for the renewal of nature.
Now! water is talking with us through the crystal waterdrops.We need to know what It is telling to us.When I was read and see the photos,I was impressed.
NOW! I WANT ONLY ONE THING!
I can send messages to you with every rain.The distance shouldnt give hopelessness to me.Maybe I can come next to you with the rain drops.The mysterious rain can bring our hearts and our feelings.Dont forget!Each rain will reach you me and me too you.
Come on!Now! Lift your eyes,your heart get your share of heart trouble with raindrops.Dont forget!Your descent to earth with each rain,It will bring you again to me and rising into the sky every steam for to be rain, It will bring me with you.Every rain will harbinger me to you and you to me.Of course with their own languages.
How is stainless stell, my love for you will never rust!
When you drink every glass of water,It will be writing my prayers.
I wish you will have great love in your life.You want it I know doesnt it?I m agree with you.It would be very helpfull for your life and your morale.This sadly musnt destroy to you.Love will find you but now time to vent.you try to Forget the disappoinment.
For a man;impossible to understand to woman s feelings.Our bodies,our desires,our soul,our thinkings and e.t.c … are totally different.You avoid waiting to understand completely.
Women and men are completely opposite poles.There are opposite poles attract each other:-).This is physical rule.:-)
You dont tire yourself anymore for understanding.Its impossible.You have to accept.I m sorry:-(
You were used this sentence:
^^ I cant take it anymore ……I love you but I m heartbroken.^^
There are two important words here:^^ANYMORE^^and
^^HEARTBROKEN^^.
women are very patient.They cant give up their loves
easily from their life.But somethings runs out in their hearts.
It never again come back!.It cant start again for same love or anything else.
The lucky people can capture true love only one time.
I hope you should find endless love my angel in your life:-)
I LOVE YOU!
LISA=DOGA
Lisa… I would much gladly do the tarantella with you. It’s all a part of mass madness! 🙂
hi lisa,
its such great feeling for me and our family to see ur blogging. its like a drop of water in the dessert. we hope u get well soon.
keep writing
sincerely
john
selfishly we all missed your brilliant blog, your self-effacing and sardonic wit…but compassionately we share the sorrow of a lost mother…a million souls unite with yours on the 16th..
“when the outside world
shocks our innate self
back from nowhere to now here –
it unlocks our clamoured sense
of defiance and despair –
and in the after quiet too still to bear
allows our ordained soul to re-appear…”
Dear Lisa,
I am taking part in the Light the Night Walk being held in Michigan today for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society! Since I cannot be there to join you and others on the 18th I will be walking in spirit today for this beautiful cause! Keep fighting and never let go of your conviction to yourself, this cause and a cure!!
Love always,
Barbara
Detroit, MI
I admire your courage, but faith in oneself is quite
difference other than to trust the power of God,
We experience peace not panic. that’s why Christ said,
“come unto me”. He know how to live, we don’t. Infact, He
is the author of life.
The truth is humility takes supernatural strenght to admit
weakness.This entails to respond by submitting ourselves
to God sovereign will. On the bottom lines, tears and pain
are fundamental part of being human. God has always the
final word. What is our life ? a mist that appear for a while..
Acts 17: 28 “For in HIm we move and have our being.”
Hi Lisa
My name is Jessica and I am from Lima, Peru. Let me express my deep admiration for the strength, bravery, courage and dedication with which are facing the challenge that you currently live. You’re a woman of admirable strength, my respects. Forward! Do not let your guard down. When you feel tired thinks there is not one, not two, not three, but thousands of hands to get up, thousands of hearts to take refuge, thousands of legs to go with you this long road.
Lisa Force.
Jessica
Sorry but my English is not good, just hope understand me.
Hola Lisa
Mi nombre es Jessica y soy de Lima, Perú. Permíteme expresarte mi profunda admiración, por la fuerza, la valentía, el coraje y la entrega con la que estas enfrentando el reto que te ha tocado vivir. Eres una mujer de una fuerza admirable, mis respetos. Adelante! No bajes la guardia. Cuando te sientas cansada piensa que hay no uno, ni dos, ni tres, sino miles de brazos para levantarte, miles de corazones para cobijarte, miles de piernas para recorrer contigo este largo camino.
Fuerza Lisa.
Jessica
Lo siento pero mi inglés no es bueno, solo espero dejarme entender.
hi lisa, congrats on your last round of treatment today!! My mother took my aunt for radiation today I believe it’s day 7 of 14 treatments for her lung cancer–the treatment phase is tough but you will start to feel better in the weeks to come. The toughest, it would seem is the mental jarring that is happening in your mind. Being a sensitive intellectual, Cancer must love to test your type. Mustn’t let her win. Remember she may have one this battle this week, this day, but the war is only won by the stongest of spirits–hard to be when your exausted I’m sure–nevertheless, it is paramount. I love your writing and writing has always been therapeutic for me as well–although I’ve never had cancer–but cancer is so rampant in my families genes–let’s just say I wouldn’t be surprised when it comes a knocking. I miss my mom ’cause she’s been taking care of my sick aunt I barely see her–and when my family became sick with the swine flew– the child within me became the mother–I knew it was the time for the maiden to become the matriarch. I was now the leader, the rock to which my family would rely. wow!! what a revelation–not a fun one I might add but in many ways very stenghthening, empowering. I too am an actress–mostly Shakespeare–I love him! Talk about tragic–as well as hysterical. So when I metamorphasized into this new Matriarch of a person–practically overnite–I tapped into my acting skills and first pretended and acted the part until the emotional and intellectual part caught up–and it did simply because my teacher was called “NO CHOICE.” Oh, there’s always a negative choice–so I chose the later and sometimes it’s still an effort everyday not to be that little girl–which I will always be–she just has some big-ass bodygaurds sticking around protecting her heart now!! I pray to the blessed Mother a lot–she’s been too good to me–I’ll surely tell her to send you some strenghth when you need it most. My mother lost her mom when she was 12 and found out quick what it was like to be strong–but thankfully it did not tarnish her today–she is still a very special sensitive person–and your so lucky to have your dad my dad walked out on us when I was 8 and never looked back.. Keep busy–and maybe you should focus on another color for a while like maybe–RED–for your passion for life that WILL be seeping back into your life in the upcoming days, weeks and years ahead–All the Health!! God Bless–CA from NY
My Dearest Lisa
Not a long time ago while sitting on a lonely railway platform on Borivili Virar line in Mumbai,I was wondering about the place of a girl in life to reflect the sudden departure from someone’s life as the trains depart for a time being to Amritsar.Today the same question popped up for you being a sufferer at the hands of a malady that the girl who is to depart with her luggage.I have so far since those times put forward a schema of relations.It follows like this
1 The bone marrow in you is preordained by order that also orders the bone marrow in us. (Thesis)
2 No other bone marrow exists in human existence. (Theorem)
3 No bone marrow can order itself. (Axiom)
4 It could be that your bone marrow has stopped synthesis that you become dependent on transplant.It could be temporary that with years it starts the process. (Auxiliary)
P.S LUV U 2 MAY 2 MAY
18 OCT i 2 MARCH
4 UR MM5K
Hola Jessica!! Soy Ximena, de Argentina (Rosario). Me alegro de que muchos de nosotros en esta parte del mundo escribamos para Lisa.
Más arriba, en este mismo post, ya me he reunido con dos fans más (de Chile y de Argentina), y se me ocurrió tratar de formar una especie de club de fans o grupo en esta parte del mundo para comunicarnos y mantenernos informados sobre lo que tenga que ver con nuestra admirada Lisa.
Si quieres, te dejo mi mail para poder contactarnos: ximeavila78@hotmail.com
Saludos desde Argentina!!!
P.D.: somos varias las que tenemos algunos problemas con el inglés, pero por eso mismo nos podemos dar una mano!!
Hello Lisa,
Good to hear from you. There is a writer/journalist in you.
You put me in a dilemma over socks! Ha! And that too a leopard pattern socks? Even if I wore a rainbow socks, it would be hard to spot over long pants for the MM5K walk. I’ll try to get some ‘Yellow’ on my shirt. How about that?
Well, you take it easy if you can but never let your spirit sag. We’re keeping you in prayers.
Come rain or sun, frost or snow we’re off to run with you on Sunday, Oct 18th.
Take care. Till then.
Jenny in T.O.
Dear Lisa,
I love you. I know you are going through a hell of a time. I just wish i could do something. I wish i could transfuse my bone marrow into yours. It is easy for me to tell you to block all those negative thoughts going through your mind, but i know it is very difficult to do so. Take rest. Save as much of your energy as you can. You don’t need to write a blog if you can’t. We are and will we be there for you. You don’t need to walk the 5km walk if you can’t. I am worried about you. Take care of yourself. Don’t ever lose hope. I am constantly praying for you. God Bless.
..i’m joining all this people who is loving you so deeply…and after your trip to argentina perhapse you should consider comming to france? where we’ll be waiting for you..all your french fans (who don’t speak english very well:)
there are so many hidden places in paris, where you can look at the sky and feeling good just to be alive..
♥
So Lisa…I’ve never written on here before. Quite frankly I never really knew what to say…I live in England. A veryyy long way from you, but I want you to know that every day, when I get in my car or when I’m at work or out with friends I stop, just for a moment and place my mind with you. I hope for your well-being and I hope for a sucessful and speedy recovery. Hope is never in vain, for it is what keeps us going, through times that are almost unbearable. I’ve always associated the word hope to a meaning of weakness…But infact i’ve only recently learnt that it is far from weak. It’s what keeps us all going.
I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you and a certain film you starred in helped me to be true to myself =) I thank you for giving me strength and I HOPE all these wonderful messages give you strength also…Lots Of Love xxx
hey
greetings from croatia.. i have never written anything.. i really dont know what to say to you. just to let u know u r in our prayers. i see i ve touched a lot of people..
keep fighting that cancer. kick his ass :).. we would all love to see u healthy again.
oh and btw.. i love ur writing.
lots of love from a small country far far away from u :)..
Hi Lisa,
i just want you to know that you’re a good person, and i think that only the best persons are designed to face illness.
CANCER.
It’s a thing which happens when extraordinary people didn’t realize they were taking the wrong way, maybe…
the fight opens your eyes, your mind. your existence is radically modified, forever, and i’m sure you can understand tere is a
these steps to belong to the group FR!!your last chemo is tomorrow!!!! ALMOST FULL REMISSION, keeping fighting, don’t let yourself fall, we’re all here to stand up when they feel no forces, are your legs and your arms.
love you always lisa brave ray
ps:I feel sad today, i miss my dad, died of cancer 1 year and a half ago, but who cares for me wherever you are.
Hi Lisa,
i just want you to know that you’re a good person, and i think that only the best persons are designed to face illness.
CANCER.
It’s a thing which happens when extraordinary people didn’t realize they were taking the wrong way, maybe…
the fight opens your eyes, your mind. your existence is radically modified, forever, and i’m sure you can understand there is a reason.
Only you can discover what is this reason.
My boyfriend is living the same way as you’re living right now, at the same time…
Because he has cancer (adenocarcinome in lung), he’s only 28, was diagnosed in June 15th, his cancer is very rare for someone of his age, he received his chemo today, and will finish in 3 weeks his cycles started in July.
His pronostic was very bad, and now he’s near remission… it never occured him that he won’t get better…
I live with someone who is wonderful, but he didn’t know he was, and wasn’t living his life the best way to live…
Now it will change forever.
i understand you and i admire you. you and my boyfriend are strong.
Julian was like you at the beginnig. and now he’s flappy. The chemo reduces his energy. He’s very tired day after day. But it’s the price to pay isn’t it?
I didn’t knew you before i saw you in Shamim’s movies. You’re great in it. i didn’t know you were facing cancer at this moment. it was quite strange when i discoverd it. Even if was experimentating cancer in my own home.
Cancer doesn’t sound the same right now for me.
Sure you will get better, like Julian.
keep writing soon, you’re talented and you find the right words to express what you feel. It’s important for all of us to understand what you can feel at this time.
Lots of love
Hélène (France 😉 )
Dearest Lisa,
To me, you ARE the meaning of SENSE & SENSIBILITY…
I WILL STAND BY YOU!
Love, Always…
LC
Dear Lisa,
Get well soon. Strong and beautiful…as you are.
Gautami.
MY DEAR ANGEL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good night.tomorrow will be very good .Your last chemo is tomorrow!
Good luck my angel.My all power and my all energy will be your.I will pray.Dont worry
I saw the picture.( you sent to the facebook).Nobody here does not take care of your exterior..please dont do this yourself!.-(.What are you trying to show?
You say: I m beatiful than you:-)
oooo What can I do? Im not beatitiful like you:-) I m jokeing:-)(I m not ugly:-) )
I understant you very well.
Do NOT THİS YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am being upset:-(
I am sending you all my power for tomorrow. your health must be good!because I am losing my health
I lost much weight in a very short time.(in 1,5 mouth I lost 7 kg)When I write to you,I m forgetting to eat:-)Of course Turkish-English:-)
I look like silly:-)
I LOVE YOU !!
LISA=DOGA
Almost everyday I design a playlist to listen to while I work. Today I decided to listen to one of the most truly awesome guitar rock bands that I ever heard, BOSTON.
I was introduced to their music by a kid in my eighth grade class back in 1976, and I have been a fan ever since.
Their body of work surpasses excellence to me in the same way as Joshua Bell’s, whose brilliance I breathed in last Wednesday, while he perfomed Bruch at Orchestra Hall, in Chicago — My musical tastes are decidedly eclectic. 🙂
As I was being ‘transported’ to those places that we likely, all go when ‘feeling’ music, it occurred to me that the titles (and some of the words) of Boston’s music might frame, in part, your journey.
So, Lisa, I give you BOSTON – some titles, some lyrics!
“You gotta have a little rock ‘n’ roll music
To get you through the stormy weather
And do whatever you feel
When you let go, nothin’s gonna help you more than rock ‘n’ roll”
GET SATISFIED
“Cool the engines
Red lines gettin near
Cool the engines
Better take it out of gear…
Cool the engines
Slow this rocket down
Cool the engines
Why dont ya take a look around
…Take it day by day
We wont know where we might go
Cool the engines.
And now were on our way
No need to hurry just to get from day to day…
COOL THE ENGINES
COOL THE ENGINES, So, Lisa, you can have some
PEACE OF MIND
Now if youre feelin kinda low bout the dues youve been paying
Futures coming much too slow
And you wanna run but somehow you just keep on stayin
Cant decide on which way to go
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I understand about indecision
But I dont care if I get behind
People livin in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.
And, Lisa, please
DON’T LOOK BACK
Dont look back
A new day is breakin
Its been too long since I felt this way
I dont mind where I get taken
The road is callin
Today is the day
I can see
It took so long to realize
Im much too strong
Not to comprimise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
Ill turn it around
I finally see the dawn arrivin
I see beyond the road Im drivin
Far away and left behind
Its a new horizon and Im awakin now
Oh I see myself in a brand new way
The sun is shinin
The clouds are breakin
canse I cant lose now, theres no game to play
I can tell
Theres no more time left to criticize
Ive seen what I could not recognize
Everthing in my life was leading me on
But I can be strong
I finally see the dawn arrivin
I see beyond the road Im drivin
Far away and left behind
LISA, please look up. I truly believe your mom is one with God. Look up, Lisa and embrace the
HIGHER POWER
Hey, my high power
The world is spinnin’, but I’m not afraid
Yeah, give me the power It’s the beginnin’, the beginnin’ of another day.
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will,not mine,shall be done.
Amen.”
LISA, please look up to your
HIGHER POWER
and know, without a doubt, that what you shared with us,
“IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT I WOULD NOT GET WELL.”
is
MORE THAN A FEELING
Lisa,
Breathe in, breathe out and keep on keepin’ on…
Dance, sing, and, by all means, play your air guitar! And, do whatever it is you need to do to feel alive!
You rock!
HOLA FER,, COMO Q LISA VIENE A ARGENTINA??? CUANDO SERIA?? DONDE ESTARIA ?? TIENEN IDEA??
HOLA,, LISA VIENE A LA ARGENTINA? SABES PARA QUE? Y DONDE ESTARA?
Lisa,
I’m really sad right now. I’ve discovered you only this year and it feels my heart of joy. And now…
I think you will not read this but in case of it happens I hope you lucky and love.
If you could, read a poem of Fernando Pessoa (portuguese poetry) named MAR PORTUGUÊS (portuguese sea). It brings the message I would like to share with you.
hey there,
so how are you tonight.. i’m still sick, but still determined to run the 5k on sunday.. you know what is funny is i have been thinking about how tough the run is going to be when it looks like the toughest thing to overcome is going to be the “cold”.. yeab, there you have it.. lol
aside from that, am really looking forward to hopefully meeting with you this sunday, although i’d imagine it’ll be busy, and well, who knows… maybe we’ll connect and we’ll go for that cup of coffee some day afterall.. hey i could be a good source of inspiration and yellow, should you wish to indulge.. ha ha! i’m writing ur style..
looked up wong kar wai’s song “in the mood for love”.. what a song, truly touching.. you have got a romantic soul too, if you like this kind of music..
well, looks like i’m rambling.. off to bed i go.. hope you are feeling okay, and look forward to hearing more.
sweet dreams.
HI DEAR LISA,, MY ENGLISH IS NOT VERY GOOD!!! I WISH ALL THE BEST FOUR YOU!! YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON,YOU WILL BE FINE!! I´M FROM ARGENTINA,, IF YOU COME TO HERE,,
I OFFER YOU MY HUMBLE HOUSE FOR LIKE IF YOU CAN RELAX, I live in a very quiet town where no one bothered
Would be an honor for me to help YOU even offer what little they have, apart from my great affection AND ADMIRACION FOR YOU. AND ONLY I KNOW FOR YOUR WORK, BUT I CAN SEE THE GREAT PERSON YOU ARE
MANY KESSESS FOUR YOU
I’M HERE TO HELP AS I CAN, IF YOU SO WISH
HI DEAR LISA,, MY ENGLISH IS NOT VERY GOOD!!! I WISH ALL THE BEST FOR YOU!! YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON,YOU WILL BE FINE!! I´M FROM ARGENTINA,, IF YOU COME TO HERE,,
I OFFER YOU MY HUMBLE HOUSE FOR LIKE IF YOU CAN RELAX, I live in a very quiet town where no one bothered
Would be an honor for me to help YOU even offer what little they have, apart from my great affection AND ADMIRACION FOR YOU. AND ONLY I KNOW FOR YOUR WORK, BUT I CAN SEE THE GREAT PERSON YOU ARE
MANY KESSESS FOR YOU
I’M HERE TO HELP AS I CAN, IF YOU SO WISH
Hola Andrea!! Te escribe Ximena, desde Argentina también.
Sería interesante formar un grupo con fans de Sudamérica para Lisa. Ya me puse en contacto con 2 chicas (de Chile y de aquí), para comunicarnos, mantenernos al día con las noticias de Lisa, y, por qué no, hacer campaña para que venga para acá cuando pueda y la recibamos de la mejor manera. Y estoy en eso con otras dos fans.
Podrías pasarme tu mail, así nos conectamos. O bien te doy el mío: ximeavila78@hotmail.com
Saludos desde Rosario.
Hola Andrea!! Te dejé un mensaje en el primer post que escribiste, más arriba. Te comentaba que estamos armando un grupo en esta parte del mundo (América del Sur) para comunicarnos entre nosotros, reunir información sobre Lisa, y recibirla, cuando desee venir, de la mejor manera.
Fijate que en estas respuestas está mi mail. Escribime, por favor. Si no, también aparece en la otra respuesta que escribí.
Saludos desde el país!!!
Habibti,
Good luck for today. It’s your last cicle of chemo.
Be strong. Be a warrior. Because you are.
My prayers and thoughts are with you in your treatment.
Best wishes, my darling,
FFF!!!
Ximena.
Habititi Lisa….
Firstly, may I wish you and your family, your loved ones especially Bobcat & Dad and your friends …
” Shubh Lah Diwali – a Joyous beginning; Bright with Happiness & Blessed with Prosperity and surrounded by love”
Secondly, Happy Thanksgiving (oops is it over) – then Happi Halloween….:D
I have been ‘lurking’ around in the background reading all the comments made by your fans worldwide and felt a tremendous sense of belonging with this community and even to the extent that I make friends with some of them.
Thanks to you for opening up this space for us to come to know what unconditional love can do.
Ok, today is your last chemo @ PMH – so you would then be able to do the Tarantella dance, the curative dance towards transformation … remission…:D 😀 😀
And yippee.. this weekend you are having Shamim and Hannan over to fuss you over and probably bringing along with them – the thousands of good wishes from your fans … hahaha, I erm, included mine and hopefully you will get a big huge HUG(s) from me to you via them …. your little red dot fan who cant be there physically to walk with you but definitely my spirit be there! I be there to cheer u on…wonder if S&H are walking with you…must ask them.
Right two more days to your walk and we are reaching quite fast to the CAD20K mark….come on, Fellow Yellolutionists/Diarists lets get it there for Lisa….rally your friends, anyone…..
As Antonia said … just shy of under CAD2.5K to get to CAD20K.
http://pmhf3.akaraisin.com/Pledge/Participant/Home.aspx?seid=2489&pid=172578&mid=9
We can do it….
Rest well, Habibi, for your walk and njoy your time with S&H …. hahaha, ps, I remembered you said you are going to ask them for their stem cells…. now wonder if both of them are afraid of needles…. again I must ask them that….
BB, BG, BStrong, BSmiling Always
MF
CONGRATULATIONS, Lisa!
Learning, growing, changing…
Becoming more –
You’ve reached a huge milestone on your road to FR and complete wellness.
Please Celebrate YOU!
I know I will. 🙂
My dear Lisa,
Since you have tha last chemo today, I wish you even more strength and patience, we are all there with you sitting beside you, holding your hand. And we are eagerly waiting for the result.
Please have a rest, sleep and drink a lot before your walk and do not force anything.
It sounds exciting that you’ll have a video cam with you, so maybe later we can really share the mood with you on this special occassion (and last but not least we can see you:-)
This weekend all Yellow Diarists and thousands who follow your journey from everywhere in the world will unite in spirit and thoughts for supporting You on your walk to reach your goal.
With love
Kati
Dear Lisa Ray,
Best of luck to you.
I pray very very hard for your well being.
Best of luck my angel.Be on the road to Full Remission.
With much love,
Silence
HAN PASADO YA 5 DIAS Y NO HE PODIDO DEJAR DE SENTIR “TUS PALABRAS”…..TUS PESARES, TUS PERDIDAS
AL LEER TUS NOTAS UNA VEZ MAS SE INUNDAN MIS PUPILAS
SIN REMEDIO…..ESTOY LLORANDO OTRA VEZ,
SOY UN DESASTRE¡¡¡
TODO ESTE TIEMPO HE PENSADO MUCHO EN TU MAMA,
“EL AMOR MAS INCONDICIONAL” Y LA FALTA QUE TE HA HECHO SU APOYO Y COMPRENSION, LE PIDO A “DIOS”
TE ENVIE SU ABRAZO QUE TANTO EXTRAÑAS Y LA FORTALEZA QUE TANTO NECESITAS
NO HE PODIDO CONCENTRARME EN NADA, MI TRABAJO, MI FAMILIA,
LOS AMIGOS, NI SIQUIERA HE CONCILIADO EL SUEÑO,
QUE ESTOY HACIENDO?
LO QUE HAZ ESCRITO
QUEMO MI CORAZON……
DEBO DECIRTE QUE ERES ENTUSIASTA, EXITOSA, OPTIMISTA
CON UNA “VIDA HERMOSA” LLENA DE LOGROS Y EXITOS,
UNA PERSONA QUE SOLO NECESITA
UN POCO DE:
“SILENCIO EN EL TIEMPO”
PARA DIRIGIR SUS PASOS OTRA VEZ
Y ACEPTARSE
“BIEN AMADA”
ÉL (BOBCAT) TE AMA Y SIEMPRE ESTARA ALLI,
LO SABES…..
”NO TENGAS MIEDO DE AMAR¡¡¡”
LO DEMAS SON CONJETURAS:
“LA ENFERMEDAD, LOS HIJOS, TU CABELLO, EL FISICO, LA APARIENCIA”……?
“R” SE QUE TE DUELE MUCHISIMO,
“SIENTO PESADO EL CORAZON”
RECUERDA QUE:
TODOS NECESITAMOS DE ALIENTO Y APOYO EN ALGUN MOMENTO
ERES “DECIDIDA, SEGURA¡¡¡” NO DESESPERES
ACEPTA EL RETO Y………“ DEJATE AMAR ”
TU MAMI, PAPA, “ B.C.” Y TU, ESTAN EN MIS ORACIONES Y MI CORAZON
SALUD2
100PRE
VERONICA
P.D.
NADA TE ESPANTE
NADA TE TURBE
TODO SE PASA
“DIOS” NO SE MUDA
LA “ P A C I E N C I A “
TODO LO ALCANZA
QUIEN A “DIOS “ TIENE
NADA LE FALTA
SOLO “DIOS “……BASTA
St. TERESA DE JESUS
LA FRASE LLENA DE “PAZ MI CORAZON”
Same here.
But I also went to bathroom and cried there to my heart content.Still my heart is so heavy.
Last Night I dreamed about you.
As always,you are so cute in my dream.
It is a freak for me because I hv never dreamed about idols before.
Want to repeat again. Best of luck to you.
Lisa, it’s my first time ever reading and commenting on an actress’ blog. I really like you a lot not only because of your beauty, but also your talent.
It really breaks my heart to know what you are going thru. I understand it must be extremely painful and not that we can imagine. BUT I do believe in miracle and I have faith in you that with your strength and all the love and support that you have, you will win this battle.
No matter which stage of life we are at, no matter what we are going thru, they are all valuable experiences. When we can’t change it, we accept it and make the best out of it. I wish positive energy could help you hang on to your situation.
Interestingly, even we don’t know each other, you really touched my heart. And therefore I hope to show you some support here.
Stay strong!!!
MY DEAR ANGEL!!!!!!!!
How are you?(I know!This question should not be at the begining of letter) but,I wonder you!!!.Everything is O.K? How was your last chemo?I hope you’re very good..
This morning, I prayed for you.When you drink of water,my prayers will enter in your body. I only want help from Allah for your health.(I was said,the water drops will bring my feelings,my prayers,my love e.t.c.. to you)
You should be very careful on Sunday! You are very tired,your immunity is low.
You should not force yourself!Your contributions already very large for MM
Anyone aware of this.Don ‘t worry!Thank you ,for your contributions and for your good heart.You will get the reward of your good heart.
I have no doubt!
The MM5K will be very crowded.It s not good your immunity.You know this of course.Your eyes didnt well.Dont forget!
Everyone wants, your favor.It can be too much distance for your walking.I think everyone thinks like that.You know,You should stay strong and you should not get any germs at the moment!
I apologize from you and all friends if I’ve exceeded my limit 😦 I’m worried about you! You ll be there Isnt it enough?
Remote to love; It was the most beautiful love:-) Your lovers doesnt tired from waiting.I m sure.Those people maybe can see you,what shall I do? I have no chance for to see you:-(
I will put my doughters picture on my facebook pace.When I put it,you can understand me and my feelings.
I LOVE YOU MY ANGEL!!!!!!
LISA=DOGA
Dear Lisa,
How you were missed all these days! Not just the blog, but more importantly YOU were missed! I sure am glad you are back – very tired, but back anyhow – that is vital. There is something about you and your writing that lends a sense familiarity. Thank you for being so familiar.
I have seen a close family friend and my own grandfather go through the monumental side effects of chemo – you do move me so much with your writing. I can’t even begin to explain how terrible I feel for you, but please don’t read this emotion of mine as sympathy. You are several levels above sympathy – you are strong and wonderful. But would a “Jaadu Ki Jhappi” help? If it would, I would send you tons and tons of these “jhappis”.
Stay strong and keep well Lisa. Loads of Diwali wishes for you from India – and do get back from this Cancer Vacation ASAP!
***************HAPPY YELLOW DIWALI **************
TO YOU ALL ON HERE 🙂 AND TO OUR LOVELY LISA!
May we all attain full inner illumination! May the supreme light of lights enlighten our understanding! May we all attain the inexhaustible spiritual wealth of the Self! May we all prosper gloriously on the material as well as spiritual planes!
The truth is that existence wants our life to become a festival…because when we are unhappy, we also throw unhappiness all around.
***************HAPPY YELLOW DIWALI **************
Hi,
Glad to have you back, missed your blog.
I wish you a very Happy Diwali. May God shower you with good health and happiness. God bless
Hola Mi Amor Lisa
Is today , your last chemo , be strong ya , will be very tire day , take your time and rest well , drink more water, sleep as well as you can, just take a good rest for your walk on sunday , may my blesses will give you strength,God with you and get well soon my dear.FIGHT YA ……..
FELYSE
Hey Lisa,
……..youare in my thoughts today…..
Hope your day was better than expected… will be watching the sunset for you today but from a Johannesburg perspective..
me agapi (thats greek for “with love”)
Jenny K.
Dear Lisa
”I think the number of clinical trials that are being conducted is very exciting, and feel that multiple myeloma will become a curable cancer within the next five to ten years. SVCCC is participating in a number of these new drug trials and is helping to deliver promising new treatments to myeloma patients.”
This was told by Dr. Sundar Jagannath MD, chief of the Multiple Myeloma and Transplant Program at St. Vincent’s Comprehensive Cancer Center (SVCCC) in New York City in a interview. Here is the link
http://www.myelomatreatment.org/our-experts/sundar-jagannath.php
Beside this I read about many people with MM who have survival rate >10 years because of treatment. One of my aunt is having cancer since last 15 years but still she is cheering us whenever we meet her in family functions.
You are young and hope treatment will work for you. Also some running improves the system and gives positive energy.
Hey girl….. I am sure you can beat MM and will come out of it with true colors. Remember nothing is impossible. And please dont stop writing the blog. Happy Diwali and lots of luv.
Dear Lisa
”I think the number of clinical trials that are being conducted is very exciting, and feel that multiple myeloma will become a curable cancer within the next five to ten years. SVCCC is participating in a number of these new drug trials and is helping to deliver promising new treatments to myeloma patients.”
This was told by Dr. Sundar Jagannath MD, chief of the Multiple Myeloma and Transplant Program at St. Vincent’s Comprehensive Cancer Center (SVCCC) in New York City in a interview. Here is the link
http://www.myelomatreatment.org/our-experts/sundar-jagannath.php
Beside this I read about many people with MM who have survival rate >10 years because of treatment. One of my aunt is having cancer since last 15 years but still she is cheering us whenever we meet her in family functions.
You are young and hope treatment will work for you. Also some running improves the system and gives positive energy.
Hey girl….. I am sure you can beat MM and will come out of it with true colors. Remember nothing is impossible. And please dont stop writing the blog. Happy Diwali and lots of luv.
I dont know where my post went, so i am pasting it again
Dear Lisa
”I think the number of clinical trials that are being conducted is very exciting, and feel that multiple myeloma will become a curable cancer within the next five to ten years. SVCCC is participating in a number of these new drug trials and is helping to deliver promising new treatments to myeloma patients.”
This was told by Dr. Sundar Jagannath MD, chief of the Multiple Myeloma and Transplant Program at St. Vincent’s Comprehensive Cancer Center (SVCCC) in New York City in a interview. Here is the link
http://www.myelomatreatment.org/our-experts/sundar-jagannath.php
Beside this I read about many people with MM who have survival rate >10 years because of treatment. One of my aunt is having cancer since last 15 years but still she is cheering us whenever we meet her in family functions.
You are young and hope treatment will work for you. Also some running improves the system and gives positive energy.
Hey girl….. I am sure you can beat MM and will come out of it with true colors. Remember nothing is impossible. And please dont stop writing the blog. Happy Diwali and lots of luv.
I AM 150% SURE THAT YOU WILL HAVE PERMANENT FULL REMISSION. Yes!
Today is a day to celebrate! today is your last chemo, you’re on the doors of membership to the group FR.yellow power shines today more than ever! don’t give up ever.
love always lisa
Lisa
The weekend is comming, i send you a thousand kisses from France!
Take care
Hi Lisa 🙂
I don’t know you personally but I care about you and wish you all the best, in heart and in mind.
Thank you for all the joy you create.
Keep shining^-^
from Portugal
Happy Diwali.
Om shanti om.
And good MM5K Walk on sunday in Toronto!
Kisses.
Sylvie (France).
Polscy fani czekają na notki po polsku:) Życzę wszystkiego dobrego w walce z chorobą i trzymam kciuki 🙂
Dear Lisa,
I say your name when I melt into prayer-state…
MAMAAYO NAKA! (Cebuano Language)
It means, “You’re gonna be well!”
Kiss the sun on the weekend run!
IAMNE
Philippines
“Have you fallen? Have you fallen and cannot get up? What’s wrong with you?! Oh, I know – you’re a whining machine!” – and it never ends – those evil-grinning thoughts swiftly racing through my head as if they all have faces. Your blood is not yours anymore, your brain has recoursed to another type of force to guide your emotions, wishes and actions. Everything’s against and the battle becomes more like an historical inquisition that used to torture our european predecessors for the sake of getting fake truth that makes us question how on earth we deserved this. There was no mission anymore, no ambition, no care, no aspiration – void. I didn’t know how the absence of gravity felt until then. Did I have to know it? It was out of my control. I thought I was degrading, retarding, and……. oh, I though I was dying, but I was changing, reshaping, transforming and, in fact, growing.
So, what was wrong with me? I seemed to have everything a foreigner in the US could wish for: fully-sponsored graduate school education, brilliant future prospects and wild ideas on how to conquer the world. But then I broke down… deep down there, in my self. I ate endlessly, didn’t remember whether I cared to take a shower and lived in silent turmoil with others hating their continuously reminding-of-me smiles and questions about how I was doing. My digestion was not working, I was swallowing tremendous amounts of laxatives and my face literally became a round Moon from all the weight I gained due to emotional eating disorder I had developed rather quickly. It was all there in the cocktail mix: fighting against the facts that I’m gay, that I live a big lie trying to become a business woman while born a performer, that I’m a coward, and really a whining machine. Suicide – what a wonderful exit strategy and just an ear candy. Existing half-way Here and half-way There, it was easy to make a step further to There than to come back Here. At that point, There was Paradise while Here was Hell.
What are you saying? Could you please repeat?
I’m not following. I want to sleep. Sleep…. Sleep…. Sleep…. and nothing more.
I like the fog today…
Why is it foggy, it was supposed to be sunny?
I’m sick of this fog, it’s been weeks…
I wish I could get some decent sleep… – answer: “but you sleep all the time!” – No, I wish I really did…….
Who is doing this to me? Who are you? What do you want? TALK TO ME, damn you!!!
And it never ends. Never. Never……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Eating disorder, chronic fatigue, absenteeism, indifference, partial amnesia, substance abuse – the MM of my mind, the snow leopard of my neuro-transmitting processes, the “bouquet” disease I’m still recovering from, although quite successfully. What does it have to do with cancer, you might ask? The forms are different, but the symptoms and suffering are in the end all the same since the cause is often the same as well. Cancer is a physical manifestation of the wrongness. I experienced the same but in a different format – emotional with physical health repercussions. And then comes a realization that we, in fact, do so many things wrong: we eat dead food, care about unnecessary issues overlooking the essence in our lives and what’s/who’s around us, dream shallow, intentionally miss the meanings and signals, and rather listen to others than ourselves. What do we get as a result – a disease of any form and scale that puts us at dis-ease with us and our bodies compelling us to fight back for what we used to have and fight even more for what we are to have that’s still ahead.
I found out about your situation a few days ago and found your blog. Having learned quite a lot for the fast year, it seems now that I’ve lived another 25 years of my life and I decided to share in this commentary. In the end, “we don’t know who we are until we see what we can do” as Martha Grimes had once put it. Tested. True.
Always Here now for the Ray of light.
Sogdiana
Dear Lisa,
I know today is your last chemo! Stay strong and positive! You are a fighter! Good luck on your walk tomorrow, we will all be there with you in spirit!! To Full Remission!!!
Prayers and best wishes,
Barbara
Detroit, MI
Dearest Lisa,
I love reading your blog. Your words are inspiring. I know this is one tough ordeal your going into, but you opened up to people your feelings about your journey into full remission from MM. I admire your strength and honesty. I hope this will be the last chemo treatment you’ll ever have. You are beautiful, intelligent and, really talented. Your blogs are meaningful and your thoughts are amazing. You’re not only an actress but also one rare, special writer. Not many actors are like that. And that’s what I really admire in you. I really wish that I could meet you someday…
Happy Diwali Lisa:)
Good Luck with the walk.
You inspire.
First of all, let me tell you this phrase: “I’m feeling more conflicted than an ovulating stripper” is hilarious.
This said, your blog has left me such a bittersweet feeling that I don’t know even how to express myself. That’s the problem of not having a membership in the Cancer Club. Not that I want it, don’t get me wrong. But the problem is that I can only imagine what you are going through. I’m trying my best, but sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes I’m just not that sensitive or that brave, not even if I close my eyes and try to connect with every word you said. With you being tired of… being tired! With you feeling lonely in your journey. With missing your mother so much that you would give anything for hugging her again. With having so much time for yourself that you don’t know what to do with it. I imagine you in those moments when everything is blur, when your head is spinning around, full of thoughts you cannot control or identify correctly, thoughts that might be confussing, upseting and frustrating at the same time.
But as I said, I can only imagine. I can only connect with you at some superficial level that might not be the one you are looking for, Lisa. Though here we are, for the bad and the worse, but also for the better. And that’s the aim, isn’t it? That you can -and will- get better and we are all here, by your side, making it happen. Imagine…
Hi! Iamne,
I’m from the Philippines also. Where did you rent Bollywood/ hollywood? I’ve been trying to find it in some video stores here in Manila but it is not available. 😦
I profoundly admire and love Lisa Ray, too.
Salamat at hihintayin ko ang sagot mo, Iamne. 😉
We love you Lisa Ray!
Grace
Habibi Lisa,
Congrats – as I said in my tweet, I have no doubt you or your team will not finish the walk and #beatcancer…
I am proud that many many Yellolunists and all the Yellow support from all over are there both physical presence and spirit to share with you on this momentous occasions…and most important, Habibi, thank you again for sharing it with us….
I, for one am touched by your unconditional love to self, ur positive attitude and to others. What you have done, by sharing this journey, have also set me thinking these past few weeks, have helped me to put a lot of things into perspective.
So wherever, whenever I can, I will continue to spread the Yellow around for those who need in as well, especially little children and tell them about the story of a gal, who is not only a celebrity but a very extra-ordinary, courageous and a generous heart who care for others as well…..thanks petal.
You, as a lot of fans have said, inspire me/us….
BB, BG, BStrong, BSmiling Always
MF
I loved this post and enjoyed so much your great writing. Sending every best wish from us here in the UK.
Wife and carer of Hamada who also has MM
Hi Lisa
I’m happy for several reasons,
First: You will soon be home safe and sound.
Second: As you are aware my site http://sapphisdezire.t35.com/ has recently launched the “Lisa Rani Ray” page where I hope to give vital information and updates about you combined with resources to help individuals affected by Cancer and Chronic illness.
Third: Although the MM5K Your Way has ended, donations are still being accepted until December 31, 2009 and I am still using my website to gather additional donations for the David Bloom Chair for Multiple Myeloma Research, to link to your blog and to Princess Margaret Hospital.
Fourth and Finally: We only need $80.10 to get you to $23, 000.00!
We “Got Your Back” Lisa.
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I am a big fan of yours after seeing you in CANT THINK STRAIGHT movie. I am shocked learning about your illness. I cried watching your videos on youtube. I admire you a lot. I hope u’re okay now… I’ll pray for you Lisa… I love you.you are my inspiration. the stories and movies you made especially what I have mentioned earlier. You gave me strength and I look up to you., U r a very wonderful woman…
I’ll never stop admiring you, loving you, praying for you and thinking that one day you’ll be fine.. you’ll get back to work and I get to see you in person… not just to ask for an autograph, but to hug you if they’ll allow me and I’ll tell “you did great… and you’ll always be great” you were the only person who made me cry after knowing the tip of your personality. I was struck. Just by seeing your smiles, its enuf for me to never forget you. I love you Lisa… Stay strong. I’m always here for you.
I am a big fan of yours after seeing you in CANT THINK STRAIGHT movie. I am shocked learning about your illness. I cried watching your videos on youtube. I admire you a lot. I hope u’re okay now… I’ll pray for you Lisa… I love you. you are my inspiration. the stories and movies you made especially what I have mentioned earlier. You gave me strength and I look up to you., U r a very wonderful woman…
I’ll never stop admiring you, loving you, praying for you and thinking that one day you’ll be fine.. you’ll get back to work and I get to see you in person… not just to ask for an autograph, but to hug you if they’ll allow me and I’ll tell “you did great… and you’ll always be great” you were the only person who made me cry after knowing the tip of your personality. I was struck. Just by seeing your smiles, its enuf for me to never forget you. I love you Lisa… Stay strong. I’m always here for you.
Dear Lisa,
Could I please ask you to remove my comment above that I left on October 16, 2009 at 6.17pm? It’s been a while since I wrote it and I had some information that I shared here used against me recently by someone I trusted. I would really appreciate your understanding.
Thank you. Hope this request gets to you on time.
Best,
SA
Lisa,
Thank you. Having lost several dear friends, I can say that I have, in even the most remarkable of passings (Ken, emaciated with AIDS in the early ’90s, saying to his brother who had mixed “the cocktail”– “you better not fuck this up”) your wit, transparency, intelligence and grace are remarkable. Perhaps your greatest gift, however, is your tenderness. In gratitude, Nancy
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